My Wardrobe, Myself

The Things I’m Uncomfortable Wearing, Part Two

Debbie Roes

June 19, 2024

This is part two of a two-part series about the clothes that I feel uncomfortable wearing. In part one, I covered the types of pieces that I feel physically uncomfortable wearing. My list included tight pants, clingy items, too-high heels, fussy tops, jeans that are either too high-rise or too low-rise, poor-fitting garments, and uncomfortable fabrics.

As usual, I asked readers to share their thoughts about my essay (the comments I receive are always insightful and well worth reading), and one reader mentioned something that I wish I would have included on my “physically uncomfortable” list. She stated that context can make a big difference in terms of how comfortable we feel in our clothes. What feels physically comfortable in one setting may not feel comfortable in another, which is an excellent distinction.

The example my commenter gave was that she feels great in her business casual clothing at work, but for physical comfort reasons, she always prefers to change into more casual pieces when she gets home. After reading this comment, I realized that context is a big reason why I categorize my wardrobe into out-and-about pieces and at-home ones. Emotional comfort comes into play somewhat in this categorization as well, but it mostly has to do with the fact that I’m just more physically comfortable wearing certain pieces at home versus when I’m out.

I could probably write an entire essay on the topic of context (and I just might…), but I thought I’d at least mention it today for those who don’t read the comments and might have missed this valuable insight. But now it’s time to dig into part two of my “uncomfortable series.” Today’s post will address what I feel is a more complex category, which is the wardrobe pieces that I feel emotionally uncomfortable wearing.

Emotionally Uncomfortable Items

What types of clothes do you feel emotionally uncomfortable wearing?

This is a much bigger category for me, and it’s also much more specific to me alone. While many of you may have been nodding along with the physically uncomfortable list, you might shake your heads at some of what I mention in today’s essay. What each of us finds emotionally uncomfortable to wear will be very different, but it’s all valid on an individual basis.

What’s on your list of emotionally uncomfortable pieces isn’t as important as knowing for yourself what types of closet items you don’t feel comfortable wearing. Failing to identify and recognize these characteristics is what leads to a lot of shopping mistakes and wardrobe “benchwarmers.” However, once we gain greater awareness as to what some of our potential “dealbreakers” might be, we can better avoid purchasing things that we won’t end up wearing very often, if at all.

The Things I’m Uncomfortable Wearing, Part One

Debbie Roes

8 comments

May 31, 2024

In my last post, I wrote about the new approach I’ve adopted for getting dressed, which is that I will no longer wear something if it makes me feel either physically or emotionally uncomfortable. This runs counter to my previous approach of trying to wear everything in my closet, which often resulted in my not enjoying what I was doing because I was ruminating too much about my outfit. I already struggle quite a bit with self-consciousness and social anxiety, so I don’t want to add to that situation by forcing myself to wear clothing that doesn’t make me feel good.

Do you wear wardrobe items that are physically uncomfortable?

Dealing with Guilt and Closet “Duds”

I know that I’m going to experience guilt about the wasted money for clothes that I’m not wearing, but I now view this as the lesser of two evils. In my continued efforts to have more compassion toward myself and treat myself kindly, I’m choosing not to push myself to suffer through days – or even hours – of wearing uncomfortable clothing.

Of course, the ideal situation would be to only buy pieces that I’m excited to wear and that I feel good in, and that’s the outcome that I’ll continue to work towards. However, since I have a history of making purchases for the wrong reasons (e.g., “deals,” trends, and pressure from others), there are some “duds” in my closet that I’ll need to let go of, which may involve taking a loss.

I’ll try to sell things online when that’s appropriate (see here for what I’ve written about that process in the past), but I’ll also donate some items in the hope that others can get value from them. In any event, I’m not going to hang on to clothing just because I spent money on it if I no longer enjoy wearing it (or perhaps never did). That never works anyway because I rarely if ever end up wearing it, and I usually feel awful when I do wear it. While I hate the guilt I feel about ill-advised purchases, I’ve come to hate the way I feel wearing items that cause me physical or emotional discomfort more.

If It Makes You Feel Uncomfortable, Don’t Wear It!

Debbie Roes

18 comments

May 20, 2024

I’ve had a rough couple of weeks dealing with some personal challenges, so my “best laid plans” to post sooner didn’t come to fruition (thankfully, things are much better now). But I’ve been thinking a lot about my wardrobe following my last few posts, and I have some more thoughts that I’d like to share today and in my next essay (which will hopefully go live before the end of May).

We’re coming to the close of the cool weather season where I live, and there have already been some unseasonably warm days that have provided a glimpse of summer. Although I live in a temperate climate without the types of distinct seasonal switchovers that many of you probably experience, the warmer temperatures usually begin here sometime in June. So, this is about the time of year when I start to think about wrapping up my cool weather wardrobe and evaluating how well it worked for me. This post and the next one (and maybe even two) will be about that process.

Do you evaluate your wardrobe at the end of a season to see what did and didn’t work for you?

“The Hanger Trick” and Wardrobe “Benchwarmers”

As many of you know from my previous posts, I stopped tracking wears five years ago, but I continue to use what I’ve termed “the hanger trick” to get a better sense of what I am and am not wearing. At the beginning of each year, I turn all my hangers around “the wrong way,” such that the hooks are facing outward. Then, as I wear a given piece and put it back on its hanger (after laundering, if necessary), I turn the hanger back around “the right way” with the hook facing inward.

Each time I get dressed, I challenge myself to wear something that hasn’t already been worn this year. I don’t make an absolute rule of this, but I usually try to select at least one unworn item to use in an outfit. This is very easy to do early in the year (or season, as in the case of my warm weather garments) when I have many unworn pieces to choose from, but it becomes increasingly difficult as time goes by. Since we’re now in May and drawing to the end of the cooler weather, I’m struggling to wear my final unworn “not summer” items.

Are Black Pants “Dressy”?

Debbie Roes

34 comments

April 20, 2024

I recently had a medical procedure done to address the varicose veins in my left leg (the right leg will be taken care of later in the year), which led to my needing to wear a compression stocking for several weeks. This procedure also resulted in my leg feeling quite sore and tender, so I was unable to wear some of my usual clothing comfortably.

In the early days, I mostly wore loose-fitting joggers and yoga pants and didn’t schedule many social activities that might require other types of garments. But for the few out-and-about engagements that I had, I struggled to get dressed. In today’s post, I share about that experience and ponder the notion of what is and isn’t “dressy.”

Does including black pants in an outfit automatically make it “dressy”?

My Standard “Uniform”

My usual “uniform” during the cooler months is to pair a long-sleeved top with jeans and either a cardigan or jacket. This works for my casual lifestyle and the types of activities that I do (outside of my regular walks, when I wear athletic clothing). In the summer, there’s more variety to how I dress, as I switch out the jeans for cropped pants and sometimes also wear dresses or skirts.

In terms of full-length pants that aren’t either jeans or athletic pants, all that I own are black pants. This is because I like wearing jeans, and I also haven’t been able to find other full-length pants that are both casual and have a long enough inseam for me. Many retailers that offer tall sizing still have limited options, and they’re usually only what are considered “basics,” like jeans and black pants (and perhaps a few varieties of dress pants).

So, when I first needed to wear something other than jeans or athletic pants during my recovery (which is ongoing), I pretty much only had black pants to choose from. The weather is still pretty cool where I live, especially in the evenings, so I wasn’t ready to switch to cropped pants and open-toe shoes just yet. I thought it would be easy to just swap out my usual jeans for the black pants, but what I discovered is that I ended up feeling too “dressy” in the resulting outfits.

My 2024 Word of the Year Is…

Debbie Roes

18 comments

April 6, 2024

I got a bit distracted with my last few posts (although I believe they were important ones), so it’s taken me longer to get around to sharing my 2024 word of the year and debriefing my theme from 2023. Although we’re already three months into the year, I actually selected my 2024 word on January 1, but just haven’t written about it until now. In today’s essay, I’ll share my word, why I chose it, and how I see it impacting my life in 2024 and beyond. I’ll also briefly address my 2023 theme and my feelings about how it unfolded for me last year.

Recapping “Clarity”

recapping my 2023 clarity theme

As some of you might remember, my word for 2023 was “clarity.” While I usually give periodic updates throughout the year, I never revisited my clarity theme after the initial post announcing it in February. That’s because I don’t really feel that I gained much increased clarity last year. While I can say that I got clearer about what I don’t want for myself and my life, I never gained a clear vision for what I do want. I still have a fairly foggy view of what I want the rest of my life to look like, and I mostly live in the present or the near future. That’s not necessarily bad, as having a present focus is overall a good way to live, but I would like to feel like I have more purpose and passion in my life.

Because I still want to become clearer on my life’s path, I’m carrying “clarity” forward into 2024, along with my new word for this year (which I’ll announce in the next section). I will say that I have gained some clarity in the early months of this year, which I’m grateful for. I wrote quite a bit about my increased wardrobe clarity in my last few posts, which began with the epiphany I gained following Sally from St. Paul’s comment about my being more selective about the way I dress than how I shop. That awareness led me to return multiple potential wardrobe “benchwarmers” and also to realize that I don’t like wearing the currently trending wide-leg pants.

I didn’t gain clarity on which creative pursuits I next want to embrace (i.e., writing and other modes of self-expression), but I do feel less angst around this issue than I did in early 2023. I’m still tossing around a few potential ideas, but I haven’t centered upon a clear path just yet. So, I’ll continue writing this blog for the foreseeable future and will aim for an average of two posts per month. I’d like to do more, but it never seems to happen, so I’m just going to try to meet that benchmark for now. I’d still like to publish shorter posts, but it’s been hard to break the habit of long-form blogging that I’ve done for over a decade. When I can, I break my posts out into series, and some topics just lend themselves to shorter essays, so maybe I’ll get better at doing that.

As for the rest of my life, I’m hoping that a combination of clarity and my 2024 theme will help me make more empowered decisions and have increased forward motion this year. So, on to the next…