This post is coming quite a bit later than I originally thought it would. Shortly after returning home from a weeklong trip to see my family and celebrate my dad’s eightieth birthday, I came down with COVID. Up until that point, I had escaped the virus for 3.5 years, but my luck finally ran out. Fortunately, my illness was relatively mild compared to what it could have been – and I miraculously didn’t transmit COVID to my husband. However, it did knock the wind out of my sails for close to two weeks. I finally tested negative this morning, and I look forward to being out and about around others in the coming days.
The trip itself went well and I was mostly happy with the clothing that I packed and wore. I learned years ago that it’s best to pack our “tried-and-true” favorites for travel rather than taking along new or “iffy” items we’re not sure we’ll enjoy wearing. I feel that my travel capsule wardrobe could serve as a good foundation for a potential Project 333 collection, so I plan to do a post on that topic shortly. But for today, I’m going to finish out my two-part series on summer style challenges.
What challenges do you have with getting dressed on the hottest summer days?
A Brief Recap of Part One
In my last post, I wrote about some of the proportion issues that I experience when it’s just too hot for layering. I introduced the concept of “the golden ratio” or “the rule of thirds,” which can help us create more flattering proportions with our ensembles. As I wrote, I struggle to successfully implement the golden ratio with many of my outfits because my tops are sometimes too long. I also prefer not to tuck things in due to my short torso and self-consciousness about my bottom half.
I’ve learned some workarounds to still create visually pleasing looks without tucking (i.e., shorter tops, twisted hems, wearing heels, etc.), but I’ve also opted to just “let it be” in many instances and aim for “just flattering enough” instead of perfect proportions. I continue to work on both my personal style and my body image issues, but I never want my clothing to get in the way of living and enjoying my life, so I’m okay with the fact that not all my outfits adhere to the golden ratio. In the end, what’s most important is that we feel comfortable (both physically and emotionally) and happy in what we’re wearing, so I’m striving for that goal above all others.
Today I’m going to discuss some additional summer style challenges that I experience related to the following:
- Clothing Fabrication
- Hair Styling and Appearance
- Makeup Choices and Application
Clothing Fabrication – A Sometimes Sticky Situation…
I’m fortunate to live in a relatively mild climate where the temperatures don’t typically climb too high or dip too low. While it can reach the nineties on occasion where I live, most summer temperatures are in the seventies to mid-eighties, usually with moderate humidity. Although it’s often too warm for layering during the hottest months of the year, I’m usually quite comfortable wearing a pair of cropped pants and a short-sleeved or sleeveless top. However, I have noticed some issues with the fabrication of the pieces that I wear, especially with pants.
Many of my pants are from the brand Athleta, who specializes in workout and casual lifestyle wear. Most of the fabrics are lightweight with a bit of stretch to them, which allows for maximum comfort. However, these fabrics are usually synthetic blends, and sometimes they stick to my legs when I’m sitting down, especially on certain surfaces. When I get up, I need to peel my pants away from the back of my legs, which can be both inconvenient and embarrassing. An advantage of such fabrics, however, is that they dry quickly and don’t typically hold wrinkles. Yet, I’m not pleased with the fact that they can stick to my skin!
I know many women swear by linen in the summer, but I’m not a fan of the wrinkles, plus most linen pieces lack the stretch that adds comfort to a garment. I’d be open to cotton pants, but I haven’t found many that fit me well. I have a few pairs of summer pants that don’t stick to my skin after being seated on a hot day, so I should probably just wear those when the temperatures rise. I’m sad, though, that my favorite Brooklyn Ankle Pants (which I own in multiple colors) have that irritating little problem of sticking to my skin.
I’d love to hear from those of you who live in hot and sticky climates:
- What types of fabrics do you wear on the hottest days to avoid your clothes sticking to you?
- Do you mostly wear natural fibers, or are there some synthetic blends that are up to the challenge?
- Which brands or styles are your go-tos?
I’d love to be a little better prepared come next summer, particularly if I end up traveling to a hotter and more humid climate. Fortunately, this summer has been milder than normal, so I’ve experienced very few instances of my clothing sticking to my body. In fact, the past couple of weeks have seemed more like June (with the associated “June Gloom”) than September, which is generally one of the warmest months around here. I hope we’ll still have a “last hurrah” of summer weather before fall fully sets in sometime in October or November.
When Hair Puffs and Frizzes on Summer Days and Nights
Then there are my summer hair challenges, which I probably wouldn’t have if I didn’t stubbornly work against my hair’s natural texture. You see, the straight and sleek hair shown in my bio and in various posts is courtesy of my trusty flat-iron and not what naturally appears on my head. My natural hair texture is a mass of uneven waves and frizz, which I’ve never liked. Long, straight hair is a much better fit for my “style guideposts” of dramatic, polished, and elegant (not that I don’t appreciate curly and wavy hair on others).
Do you struggle with frizzy, unmanageable hair on hot, humid days like I do?
While I don’t love the time and effort involved in flat-ironing my hair, I don’t mind doing it because it helps me to feel more in line with my desired style aesthetic. What I do mind, however, is when my effort is quickly undone by a preponderance of moisture in the air. No matter what products I might use on my hair, they’re often no match for a humid coastal day or evening, and I end up with a very different head of hair in short order.
Case in point, my husband and I attended a concert at an outdoor coastal venue last month. I opted to wear a hat and planned to pull my hair back into a ponytail if the moisture in the air made my hair puff up. I ended up doing just that, but I still felt less than polished with the result. I had lots of frizzy fly-aways all around my head, plus the ponytail that I wore over my shoulder curled up in an unflattering way. Since I recently chopped a few inches off my hair because it was becoming hard to manage, I couldn’t successfully do the sleek braid over my shoulder that was a go-to summer hairstyle over the past few years.
When I go on walks by the water in the evenings, I always wear a baseball cap with my hair pulled through the back and braided. This keeps my hair very much under control, but this sporty look isn’t the best with most of my non-workout outfits. Even so, I wish I would have gone with it for the concert because my upset about my “Brillo pad hair” impinged upon my enjoyment of the music to some degree.
As I wrote about in my “wardrobe and style bucket list” for 2023 (item #14), I’d like to find at least two new ways to wear my hair during the summer. I see lots of fun hairstyles on Instagram, especially updos, but I no longer like the way my aging face looks with my hair severely pulled back, and I don’t have bangs or shorter pieces around my face to help soften the effect. Perhaps a hat with a ponytail or a braid (even one that’s not quite long enough for the look I want) is the best that I can do, but I’d still like to find some better alternatives if possible.
Maybe I don’t look as old or as bad as I think I do with my hair all pulled back. I used to wear that style all the time, but not since I grew out my natural hair. My workout hairstyle was previously a high ponytail, but I incorporated the baseball cap during my gray hair transition and I’ve kept going with that ever since. I think I look younger and less “harsh” that way, but I don’t really want to wear a baseball cap with nicer clothing when I’m out and about.
I need to spend more time poking around Instagram and YouTube for hairstyle alternatives, but if you have any suggestions for me (even for influencers or channels to check out), I’d be open to them. I don’t want to cut my hair at this point, as I like having the options of ponytails and braids, even if I don’t love those looks as much as I used to. Maybe if I can create a bit of volume on the top of my head with an updo, I would like the effect more and not think it makes me look old. All of this is to say that by next summer, I plan to have some better alternatives for what to do with my hair on the most humid days and nights.
Makeup on Hot and Sticky Days
The last issue that I’m covering today is one that bothers me to a lesser degree than the hair problem detailed above. Because I live in a temperate climate, I don’t encounter all that many hot and sticky days, but when such days do occur, I’m not exactly sure what to do with my makeup. Much like hair that looks great when I leave the house but turns into something completely different on a moist evening, my makeup can also quickly go south on the hottest summer days. My matte skin quickly becomes shiny and whatever products I use on my eyebrows start to drip, smear, or fade.
I stopped wearing foundation years ago because I found that it settled into the fine lines on my face and made me look older. I only use powder on my shiny nose now, too, whereas I used to apply it all over my face multiple times each day. I do use a cover-up stick on blemishes and dark spots on my face, and I also need to fill in my eyebrows quite a bit, as they’ve become sparse with the hormonal changes of aging. My poor mother has almost NO eyebrows left at this point, so she must completely draw them on, whereas I just need to fill them in to help frame my face better.
I’ve tried many different eyebrow products, including pencils, powders, and mascara-like formulas. I’ve found that many of them end up looking too dark even when applied with a light hand. I think it’s because I now have very light hair to match my fair skin, so there’s not a whole lot of contrast in my face anymore. Even the eyebrow products designed for gray hair often end up looking too dark for my preferences, but that’s a year-round issue, not just a summer one. The summer-specific issue has to do with the products fading or dripping when I perspire. Again, this doesn’t happen all that often, but it’s annoying when it does occur.
The cover-up stick that I use on facial imperfections can also cake or drip with perspiration, so I need to use less of it or forgo it altogether on the hottest days. I’d ultimately like to find both a concealer and an eyebrow product that will work well for me when the heat and humidity are high. My eyeliner and mascara don’t typically smudge or run, so I’ve got that covered (and I use waterproof mascara when necessary). Blush and lipstick aren’t really problems, either, although I do need to reapply lipstick multiple times throughout the day no matter what the weather is like. I’ve pretty much accepted that, though, as I haven’t liked the long-wearing lip formulas that I’ve tried.
Conclusion – and Your Thoughts?
As I said, the summer makeup issues don’t trouble me as much as the hair and fabrication ones, but I’d still like to find solutions to those as well. I’d love to greet next summer armed with makeup that doesn’t drip or smudge, a few humidity-ready hairstyles, and pants that don’t stick to my legs after being seated. I don’t think any of this is too much to ask, but it hasn’t been all that easy for me thus far. I think, however, with some investigation and crowdsourcing (starting with my readers!), I can find some workable solutions to all my summer style challenges.
Now I’d love to hear from you… Although I’d appreciate any suggestions you might have for the challenges I mentioned, I’d also love for you to weigh in on your own summer wardrobe issues and how you might have solved them.
- What problems do you experience with getting dressed – or doing your hair or makeup – on the hottest and stickiest days of the year?
- What workarounds have you discovered for these challenges to help you better enjoy your summer days and activities?
The days will soon be getting cooler (if they haven’t already in your neck of the woods) and we’ll encounter a whole different set of potential challenges. But before we close the door on summer completely, I’d love to have this one last (somewhat belated) discussion in which we can hopefully help each other prepare to better navigate the warmer months in 2024.
My Wardrobe, Myself 
We have some similar issues. I no longer wear my hair up because my face has aged more than I like and with my hair up it shows more so that I’m uncomfortable. I wear skirts only all year round. I find my linen and cotton skirts to be my salvation from out 110 degree weather. I wear slips under my skirts which people always say would be hot but I don’t find that a issue with them.
Thanks for your input, Natalie. I remember that we are the same age and that you only wear skirts now. I went through a period when I only wore skirts and dresses during the summer months, but that shifted about five or six years ago. That was mostly because my body changed and I no longer wanted to wear the same skirts and dresses anymore (didn’t feel like they were flattering). It must be hard to deal with 110 degree summer weather, but I’m glad the skirts are working out for you and you can still wear slips without having any issues with them.
Thank you for your sweet reply!! It’s 110 in the summer here because I live in the desert. Yes, we are the same age!!! Natalie K.
Debbie, wishing you wellness!
Oh my! I can extremely identify with what you are currently working though. As you already know, for years and years I had so many of the same clothes and hair and makeup challenges. But within the past year something has come along and changed all of that for me. Age? Maybe. I don’t know. But what I do know for sure is that I have become extremely aware of time, and that I no longer have the time to wait for things to get easier or better for me. I’m ten years younger than your dad, and whatever I want to do needs to begin happening right now.
For the longest time I wanted to get out of hair prison. For about 8 years I was wearing my hair long, well past my shoulders, like your hair, and I had all of the same issues you have. My hair was beautiful, but it was always misbehaved in humidity and I was tied to a flat iron. Then last November I wanted to get it cut to shoulder length, and somehow the person who cut my hair got my shoulders mixed up with my chin and gave me a short bob.
At first, as you know, I was horrified and my hair was even more misbehaved because I could not pull it back. But then I finally found an extremely good stylist (a specialist, who has spent many years in school studying hair and the type of cuts that are best for each hair type) and we went much shorter. I had to give up “my idea” of how I wanted my hair to look and go with my hair personality. Somehow this turned out to be very freeing!
Wearing my hair short led me to become braver and explore my wardrobe and let go of some of my preferred styles and try new things. I never felt like I was in a rut with my clothes and hair style, but clearly the universe was inviting me to be open to change.
For the longest time I wanted a much smaller wardrobe and sort of a modified capsule wardrobe, but I couldn’t figure out how to get there. Then I discovered if I stuck with only certain brands and designers, all of my clothes always mixed and matched and worked together. This was the secret key for me. My everyday life is casual. I live near the ocean in a beach oriented college town. Our weather is frequently cool, in the 50s, 60s and 70s in the fall. I work in the arts, and I no longer want or have a need to be polished-casual or causal-dressy on a regular basis. But I do want to always look as good as possible! For me Frank and Eileen, Vuori and Lululemon are my go-to brands, with a couple of older Eileen Fisher pieces from a few years ago for the days when I want to be a bit more dressed up. For exercise, lounge wear and casual wear I reach for Vuori and Lulu. And my social wear and work wear wardrobe is F&E. But I do not wear any of their current oversized pieces. I’m sitting this trend out! Lol.
Long, long story short is that for me finding a few (only a few) brands that work for my body, life and style, all of my clothes somehow play nicely together. I recently overhauled my closet and I’m due to write a post updating my progress. Thank you for this inspiration. It is helping me sort out my thoughts. I sincerely enjoy your articles, and readers comments.
I always love when you comment, Terra, and I’m glad that my posts and the comments help you to sort out your thoughts. I look forward to reading your wardrobe update post once you have a chance to write it, but I got a lot out of what you wrote here. I know that you have experienced similar struggles to mine, and it always seems like you are at least a few steps ahead of me…
It’s both interesting and wonderful that you have experienced so many positive shifts in regards to your clothing and hair struggles. I could relate a lot to this sentence: “…I have become extremely aware of time, and that I no longer have the time to wait for things to get easier or better for me.” I am already feeling that at my age, but I guess there hasn’t been enough urgency there yet for me to change in the ways that you have.
When I was growing out my natural gray hair, you were one of my role models. I always thought your hair looked beautiful, but I get compliments about my hair a lot, too. Those who admire our hair don’t know about the struggle (and I don’t get those compliments on those humid days and evenings!). I’m so happy for you that you found a stylist who was able to create a hairstyle for you that works with your natural texture that you actually like, too. I know it took a little while to get there, but you are now finally out of hair prison (so once again, you are a role model for me).
How great that your hair freedom helped you to feel more liberated with your wardrobe as well! I have never been one to stick with one or two brands (at least for out-and-about clothes – I’ve been sticking with just a few brands for at-home and workout clothing since I put a lot of effort into that area in 2020), but I can see how that would make things easier with mixing and matching. I remember how much you used to love Eileen Fisher, but the silhouettes seem to have changed a lot. I’m glad that Frank and Eileen is filling the gap well for you. I don’t like to wear the current oversized pieces, either, so maybe I should check out F&E, too.
When I went on my recent trip, I really tuned into the freedom and ease that I felt with my smaller capsule wardrobe. It wasn’t perfect, but it was much easier for me to get dressed than it is at home. I don’t want to have a large wardrobe anymore. I know that I’ve been saying that for a while, but I think I really feel it now. But what to do with all of my clothes? I guess that’s all part of the journey. Congrats on how far you’ve come and thanks for sharing with all of us here.
I live in a place that is hot and humid in the summer and this summer was extremely hot and humid. During such periods I primarily wear linen and/or cotton dresses. I also wear the linen joggers from Athleta. They also have linen pants but I think they are too wide to be flattering on me as I am short.
I have wavy/curly hair that I wear natural during the rainy spring and humid summer and save my blowouts for the fall winter. I can’t be bothered trying to fight my natural waves and curls during the rainy/humid seasons. In fact I like changing it up so I look forward to having a new hairstyle when the weather changes.
This is my first time commenting although I enjoy reading your blog. I hope you find something that works for you.
Welcome, Debra! I’m glad you took the time to comment on this post. I appreciate your sharing what works for you living in a hot and humid climate. Maybe it just takes some getting used to with linen pants. I tried the Athleta linen joggers and pants, but I didn’t love either (the pants weren’t long enough and the joggers felt too stiff). I can see wearing linen and cotton dresses, though. I still like dresses, but I’m no longer enamored with many of the ones I own.
I think that if I lived in a climate like yours, I would have to give up on straightening my hair during the summer. When I’ve traveled to Hawaii, it was completely futile to fight that humidity, so I mostly just wore hats, ponytails, and braids. I don’t even know how to wear my hair wavy/curly because I’ve always just fought it. I would like to have an alternative, though, so perhaps I will have to stop being so stubborn!
Hi Debbie – I’ve followed your blog for years but this is my first comment. Here in the hot humid South the eyebrow product that has worked for me is Benefit’s “Powmade” brow pomade (in the little pot) in shade 2.5 Neutral Blonde. It’s a very neutral taupe. Their “Precisely, My Brow” pencils are also very good….and I’ve tried brands in all price ranges.
Maybelline makes an effective brow and lash growth serum, so you don’t have to break the bank!
When it gets really hot here, face makeup becomes nearly impossible. Powder doesn’t work well with humidity and perspiration. I might suggest watching some bridal makeup tutorials….the looks are fairly subtle and a big priority is a face that will last all day.
I’m a couple of years older than you and have “revived” my complexion by getting into (inexpensive) Asian skincare, with its emphasis on deep moisturizing and fermented products. Also, a red light device (Light Stim).
And face exercises really DO work (the book by Carole Maggio is widely available).
I’m taking 2-3 different collagen supplements and those have really given my skin some “bounce.” Knees feel better, too!
All of these things take energy and persistence but I’ve found that keeping up with the little details really does make a difference.
Thanks for all of the good advice and thought-provoking content. I look forward to your posts!
Thank you for your longtime readership, Ruth, and thank you for making your first comment here today. I appreciate your sharing your makeup and skincare tips. I will check out those brow products. I take collagen supplements, too, and have for years. I started it for gut health, but then I learned about other benefits and continue to take them. I’m not sure how much it’s helped my skin, but I don’t really think I look 57. I haven’t tried face exercises, but I remember that my mother-in-law had the book you mentioned. I’d love to know which Asian skincare products you’re using. I’ve seen some women on Instagram mention red light devices, but I don’t know much about them. I know there’s a lot we can do to fight aging, from simple to more complex. I’m open to learning about various options and I support whatever decision each person wants to make. I used to say that I would just “age gracefully,” but it’s a bit harder once it’s staring you right in the face, isn’t it? I’m glad you like my posts and I look forward to trying some of your suggestions.
Oh no, it’s too bad that you got covid. I’m glad that at least it was a relatively mild case.
I don’t *live* in a hot and sticky climate, but I do have a lot of experience visiting one (Singapore). My favorite pair of pants for that climate is the Relaco 3/4 Shorts from Uniqlo, which are made of rayon (They also come in cotton, but mine are rayon). The pants are very flowy and don’t stick to the skin. (The only downside is that the fabric does tend to stretch out with wear. But, they do have a drawstring waist, so it can be tightened as needed.)
Re: hair, do you think polished curls could fit your style guideposts? I have naturally straight hair, so I have no personal experience with it, but I’ve seen proponents of the Curly Girl Method claim that everyone with unmanageable frizzy hair secretly has curly hair that will appear if they just treat it right.
I have no advice re: eyebrow products, but I do have a comment that you might look just fine even with your natural sparse eyebrows. Idk for sure, of course, but my mom’s eyebrows have gotten sparse with age, yet it’s really not noticeable because her hair + skin are both light so they just blend in anyway. (The only reason I even know her eyebrows have thinned is that she pointed it out. Otherwise I would not have noticed.)
Thanks for sharing your tips, Maureen. I wish we had a Uniqlo near where I live because a lot of people rave about their stuff. I think they were going to open a location here, but they shifted course due to the pandemic. As for the hair, I’ve looked into the Curly Girl Method before, but it seems like one really needs to commit to it to see good results (like always wearing hair curly, only using conditioner and not shampoo, etc.). It seems like my hair is going to be a lot of work no matter what I do! You might well be right about my eyebrows… I’ve thought about that since I saw your comment. I think I might use too much product, but it’s hard to calibrate what’s the right amount. My main issue with my eyebrows is that they’re not as long (as in the length of the full eyebrow, not each hair) as they used to be, so I try to fill them in to extend the length on both sides. It’s hard to get it right! But I don’t look THAT bad without product, especially if I’m not wearing a lot of makeup otherwise. Food for thought…
Hi Debbie, I am thinking about all you wrote about in this post. I just want to say that my eyebrows are fading or going gray (I can’t tell which) and so I have found that a pomade is just the quickest thing and doesn’t involve tugging on my delicate skin there. I am currently using a color from Elf which is a cheaper brand just to check it out. My holy grail for pencils was Anastasia because I could get a color that was an exact match for my existing brows but it is just too much work to do a pencil now. I actually started with an Anastasia stencil and power kit years ago and then migrated to two colors of a Tarte Amazonian clay brow mousse which is no longer available. I used a taupe at start of my brows and a soft brown for the last 2/3s of my brow which includes the tail. I found that it gave me a “softer” brow. I know many brow kits have 2 colors for this reason. As to your natural hair, maybe some hair products could make it more manageable. As to the severity of long hair concerns, I get it. I think part of it is just my hair, which was never thick, is just thinner. I have seen a new dry shampoo from Olaplex that is not supposed to be feel obvious on your hair and I might try adding some to my crown and around my face for a messy look. You might want to consider finding a stylist who could give offer you some styling options with the newest products. I will keep thinking about other topics…Regards.
Hi Debbie, it just occurred to me that there are also brow shades for gray and salt and pepper hair. They are a little harder to find but they might look more natural than shades of blonde or brown.
I meant to type “stencil and powder kit”…
I appreciate all of the feedback and suggestions you give, Maggie. I haven’t tried a pomade for my eyebrows, so I’m going to check that out. I like the Anastasia products, especially their Brow Wiz, but it can get pricey. My mom used the stencil kit in the past, but I haven’t tried it. I haven’t tried Elf, so I will look into it. I always use the taupe version of the Anastasia products or whatever the lightest version of other products is (like light blonde for the Aveda pencil, which can still look too dark at times). I tried one product that was supposed to be for gray hair, but it wasn’t a good fit for me. I will keep trying, though, as there’s bound to be a product that I will love.
As for my hair, I have tried SO many products, but I still struggle when it’s really humid out. Some products work better than others, but my hair still puffs and bends when there’s moisture in the air. My hair stylist has curly hair and I’m sure she would be up for showing me how to better work with my hair texture. I haven’t asked her, though. I once asked another stylist for advice and she basically told me that I had difficult hair and she doesn’t know what else to do with it. Not very helpful!
Asking a stylist who has curly hair for ideas sounds like a great idea. You could always call around to some new salons to see if there are some curly hair experts. Probably a lot of YouTube videos too. Elf doesn’t have a taupe shade in the pomade (I looked) but for $3-5, you could see how the product works out for you. I need to find a taupe – the medium brown seems too dark or maybe I just have a heavy hand in application. Tarte has a newer product called Big Ego Framework Brow Pomade on QVC but some people said that even the taupe was dark. They do have an ash blonde though. I will keep you posted.
Elf does have affordable eyebrow brushes. I forgot to mention that Sephora has their own line of products which are cheaper than the name brands. I know they have some brow products. I will look the next time I am in the mall. Also, you might want to consider posting a picture of your hair in it’s natural/curly state. Maybe some readers with similar hair could give you some pointers. I remember one of my daughter’s friends who had the most beautiful red curly hair and flat-ironed it I think every day that she was in high school. Her mom really rocked the curly look – Irish descent I think…
FYI Milani Stay Put Brow Color has pomade and an eyebrow brush for less than $10.
Too Faced Brow Shaper and Filler Pomade In A Pencil WATERPROOF – Natural Blonde available on Amazon for around $15. I saw a video where someone used a fine tip brow pencil to draw some individual hairs at the start of her brows and a pomade on the rest. I also remember one makeup artist saying to draw from the arch to the tail first if you are using an eyebrow brush because you have the most product on it. Then, you gently shade in the start to the arch with the remaining product on the brush.
Thank you so much for all of the great product recommendations, Maggie, as well as the tip on how to apply eyebrow products. I’m going to give that a trip to see if I can achieve a more natural and less dark brow. I have never used a brow pomade before, but it’s worth a try, especially for the low prices that you mentioned. It can take a while to find the products that work best for us – and then they seem to get discontinued and the search continues once again…
I’m going to write down the products you mentioned and see which ones I can find in Ulta, Sephora, or Target. I need to buy some new brushes, too. Brushes can make a huge difference in how products end up looking on us.
Dear Debbie, I would like to comment about your hair. I have grey hair partly for an authenticity reason, as in the sense of being true, real, not fake. I wonder if that was one of the many reasons you chose to stop colouring your hair when you did. I know you wanted to get out of what you termed “hair prison”. But in a way, isn’t the insistence on straightening your hair every single day and keeping it sleek just another version of hair prison? It’s not actually the true you, it’s not your true hair.
I still struggle to accept my ageing face and body some days, but most of the time I do very little “beauty work”, and will be pleased to be able to accept doing less and less of it to change what time and nature is making me.
I’m extremely grateful to you for your writing and hope these thoughts are not hurtful. With love, Jenni from NZ.
I don’t find your comments hurtful, Jenni. I know you’re a longtime reader and are commenting from a place of caring. I totally feel like I’m still in “hair prison” with wanting to keep my hair sleek. When I decided to stop coloring my hair, I did so because I knew that would be the easier step to take, even though I found it more difficult than I thought it would be (the growing out process more so than having my natural color). It was always my intention to deal with the color first and then address the texture, but I feel emotional roadblocks to doing the latter.
I would like to be like you and not fight against the aging process. I do less of it than a lot of other women where I live, but I sometimes find myself wanting to do more. I struggle a lot with insecurity, and I know that too much of my self-worth is tied up in what I look like. This is something that I’ve been working on for years, but it’s proving difficult to overcome. It helps to write about it, though, so I will continue to do so. I’m glad you like my writing and I’m grateful that you’ve been a reader for so long.
Dear Debbie, I thought about your hair prison some more and read back. I got back to your post of Nov 21, 2014…”We don’t have to try so hard”. Do we? It’s almost 9 years since you wrote that post. And I wonder… suppose you did cut your grey hair shorter and did what I do which is use no product whatsoever, just wash it with supermarket shampoo and conditioner once a week, comb it and air dry it. Yes, like mine it might get frizzy and you might look like thousands or even millions of older women with short grey hair. Would it be so terrible?
I’m not saying I like it all the time. But the people who love me, my family and friends, still love me. And the people I work with and for still appreciate me. Which is worth a great deal.
Maybe you can do a prison break one day soon?
Wow, that was a LONG time ago that I wrote that post, Jenni. It’s kind of disheartening to still be struggling with many of the same issues. Change can be so difficult… I can see how it would be very liberating, not to mention time-saving, to have short hair that’s easy to manage. My mom loves her short gray hair and doesn’t do a whole lot to it (she actually went gray AFTER I did, so maybe I inspired her to some degree). I know that those who love me would love me no matter what I do to my hair or what I wear. I also think a lot of women look great with short hair.
It’s hard for me to let go of the long, straight hair, but I do think about it. I have far too much of my identity wrapped up in what I look like. I could write a very long screed on why that is, but it’s proven very difficult to unravel. I still have hope, though, and I will continue working on myself (and share the process on my blog from time to time). It’s easier to write about the wardrobe stuff than deeper matters of identity, but we can have a lot wrapped up in what we wear, too. It’s not easy to be a woman in modern society (not that it’s a picnic for men, either). I appreciate your caring and your taking the time to share your thoughts with me here.
Debbie, I think you would be surprised about the affect your hair has on your image. My friend had long, thick, curly hair when we met. Now, 40 years later, she has a much more manageable bob. But she’s the same person to me. I remember the first time I saw the change, I thought ‘Her hair’s different,’ but within minutes I was used to the new reality. I expect it took her longer to adapt but she looks much cooler (in both senses of the word) and even younger.
Like me, she manages her curls by killing the frizz with a little coconut oil from time to time.
Recently I also found that a towel cap on my wet, washed and conditioned hair does wonders against frizz. My daughter bought me one for a euro at a discount store. No more rubbing or even patting dry. I just wait till the towelling absorbs excess water
I’m sure other people would think I’m the same person with different hair, even if I look quite a bit different at first. That has been the case with going from dark dyed hair to my natural gray hair. It’s taken ME a while to get used to the gray hair, though, and I’m sure the same would be true if I changed my hairstyle. I always admire those women who change their hair frequently, but such women seem to be rare. Most of the women I know have had basically the same hairstyle for many years. I think it would be fun to try on a bunch of wigs to see how I might look with different styles.
I use a towel cap every time I wash my hair and it does help. I tend to leave it on for hours when I get engrossed in various activities. My hair is so thick, however, that at least the roots are still wet no matter how long I leave the towel on! I realize that it’s a blessing to have thick hair, as many women experience thinning with age. My hair has thinned some, but I still have a “blanket” of hair.
I’m so sorry to read that you contracted COVID. So far, I’ve managed not to, but your post has reminded me that I still could.
My hair is wavy and tends to frizz, especially during Michigan’s humid summers. But with my skin gaining texture, I think my hair should have it too, and my style is pretty relaxed. I use Moroccanoil Intense Curl Crème and Paul Mitchell Extra Body Styling Foam after washing my hair, which I try to do only 2-3 times a week. So far, that’s the best combo I’ve found. After applying, I barely touch my hair until it’s nearly dry. Then I scrunch it. When I use a blowdryer, I use a diffuser, but I prefer it air-dried. On non-wash days, I may use a curling iron which tends to make my hair straighter… and smoother. (For a little while anyway.)
At 64, I’m finding lots of my warm-weather tops that I’ve loved and worn for years no longer look as good on me. I’ve let some of them go. I think I’m doing okay for my age, but my face, neck, and upper arms aren’t the ones I used to have! And then there are my veiny legs… It’s no wonder that I have more clothing options for cooler weather than I do for summer.
My issues with makeup have to do with sunscreen. It’s tricky to apply foundation over it without looking “flaky” or “pasty.” I haven’t figured out a fix for these issues. I don’t always wear foundation, but I like to for dressier occasions.
I guess if we can figure out our challenges, we are a step closer to figuring out solutions, right?
That’s wonderful that you have avoided COVID all this time, Jenn, and I hope that continues to be the case. My husband hasn’t gotten it, either, nor has my mom (which I’m really grateful for, as she has multiple co-morbidities).
You have a good attitude about the texture in your face and hair. I’m glad you’ve found some products and a styling method that works for your hair during the humid summers. My sister-in-law has curly hair and uses a method similar to what you described. I like the curly hair on her, but I think because my hair is so thick, it might look too big worn naturally. And then there’s the frizz… I don’t understand why I get so much frizz, but I’ve read it can be from dryness. I don’t wash my hair very often and I use products for dry and frizzy hair. Sometimes the result is better than others…
I understand your struggles with warm weather tops and veiny legs. I got foam schlerotherapy on my left leg (much worse vein issues than the right leg) this spring, but the healing process has proven to be difficult. I am with you in preferring cool weather clothing. As for sunscreen, I also have those challenges. Most sunscreens can be pretty oily, even those that are supposed to have more of a matte finish. I let it absorb into my skin while I do my hair, and then I use Shiseido blotting papers before applying makeup to my face. I use a small amount of 100 Percent Pure Bamboo Blur powder over my makeup to set my face, which gives me a smooth finish. Then I only ever use powder on my shiny nose the rest of the time. The Bamboo Blur powder doesn’t settle in my lines, but I do only use a small amount once a day. I don’t wear foundation, but am considering trying to find one that would work, as my skin has become more blotchy in recent years.
I wish I had some useful advice to give, but I will say that I hear you: the frizzy hair/melting make-up struggle is real.
I have never truly aspired to a really elegant, polished, etc. kind of appearance to begin with, but my life did get a lot easier when I started wearing beachy waves year-round, accepted the look of wrinkly linen/cotton clothing in the summer, and generally leaned into the relaxed/natural/rumpled/textured/rough-around-the-edges appearance that I have. It’s not for everyone, but it’s working for me.
It sounds like you have found a way of dressing and wearing your hair that works well for you, Sally. There’s no way of dressing or wearing one’s hair that works for everyone, but what’s most important is that what we’re doing works for us. Sometimes we need to course-correct along the way, which can be challenging. I think I can be too stubborn in clinging to a style vision that isn’t always easy to maintain, so that’s something I need to continue to work on. I think it gets a lot more hot and humid where you are than where I am, so it’s good that you have embraced beachy waves and linen/cotton clothing in the summer.
With a saggy jawline I like to wear my hair pulled back, I feel like it lengthens my face and has a bit of a poor girls’ facelift effect.
I prefer a half-up style where I pull a pony back with the top half of my hair and let the rest fall- the Princess of Wales style. I give my crown poof when I pin it back or put the elastic band on it. My hair is rather short right now so it’s got a wave quality around my ears/upper neck and makes me feel like my jawline isn’t on total display.
I like Glossier Boy Brow, it stays well and tames stray hairs. I go with a cool blond color. I need my brows to show up, they’re part of my anti-jaw sag program, so I don’t go with a gray color, just something that’s got cool undertones. If I want to fluff my brows up then I go with a powder. My long-time hair stylist was a make-up artist, may she RIP, and advised blond powder on sparse brows as the powder clings to the hair your have. I don’t see any reason to spend a lot of money on brow products, Maybelline’s brow pencil and powder seems to work about the same as pricier brands.
Interesting about the “poor girls’ facelift, Rose. I’ve seen makeovers in which a hairstyle change and some makeup have taken decades off of a woman’s visual age. I’m glad you’ve found some hairstyles that work well for you. The Princess of Wales always looks good, and she has such gorgeous hair! Thanks for the brow product tips. I will try blond powder and see what I think. I did try an Elf pencil this week (that line was recommended by Maggie above) and I think it’s every bit as good as the more expensive products I’ve used. I got the taupe color, but I’ll see if there’s a blond one for me to try, as the taupe can still look too dark unless I keep a “light hand.” I haven’t tried Maybelline, but I will keep that in mind as well. Great to share tips here!
My sister swears by the Wet N Wild eyebrow pencil. I did want to say that I used to wear the IT Cosmetics CC+ Cream Full Coverage Color Correcting Foundation with SPF 50+ before COVID because my skin is thinner than it was because post menopause and looks a little more uneven than it used to look. Last year, I tried the Laura Geller Balance N Brighten powder foundation because I can apply it without a mirror. I bought the medium shade off of her website and the special brush she offered with it. but I think I could go lighter. I did start using the Neutrogena Hydro Boost Hyaluronic Acid Facial Moisturizer with Broad Spectrum SPF 50 Sunscreen to easily add SPF to my morning routine and like it very much. I might have to add a concealer for under eye and eyelid just to brighten that whole area…
You have so many great recommendations, Maggie. I’m sure others join me in being appreciative of them. I tried an Elf pencil this week based upon your recommendation for that line. I actually like it better than some of the more expensive products. I will keep Wet N Wild in mind, too. I haven’t worn foundation in years now, but I also have more uneven skin as I age and have considered trying something. I’ve heard good things about IT Cosmetics products. I’m not that familiar with Laura Geller. I’m wondering if powder foundation would cake in wrinkles, but maybe some formulations are better than others. I’m glad you’ve found a moisturizer with SPF that you like. Finding a good sunscreen can be just as challenging as some of the other types of products we’ve been discussing!