My Wardrobe, Myself

In my last post, I wrote about the new approach I’ve adopted for getting dressed, which is that I will no longer wear something if it makes me feel either physically or emotionally uncomfortable. This runs counter to my previous approach of trying to wear everything in my closet, which often resulted in my not enjoying what I was doing because I was ruminating too much about my outfit. I already struggle quite a bit with self-consciousness and social anxiety, so I don’t want to add to that situation by forcing myself to wear clothing that doesn’t make me feel good.

Dealing with Guilt and Closet “Duds”

I know that I’m going to experience guilt about the wasted money for clothes that I’m not wearing, but I now view this as the lesser of two evils. In my continued efforts to have more compassion toward myself and treat myself kindly, I’m choosing not to push myself to suffer through days – or even hours – of wearing uncomfortable clothing.

Of course, the ideal situation would be to only buy pieces that I’m excited to wear and that I feel good in, and that’s the outcome that I’ll continue to work towards. However, since I have a history of making purchases for the wrong reasons (e.g., “deals,” trends, and pressure from others), there are some “duds” in my closet that I’ll need to let go of, which may involve taking a loss.

I’ll try to sell things online when that’s appropriate (see here for what I’ve written about that process in the past), but I’ll also donate some items in the hope that others can get value from them. In any event, I’m not going to hang on to clothing just because I spent money on it if I no longer enjoy wearing it (or perhaps never did). That never works anyway because I rarely if ever end up wearing it, and I usually feel awful when I do wear it. While I hate the guilt I feel about ill-advised purchases, I’ve come to hate the way I feel wearing items that cause me physical or emotional discomfort more.

Evaluating the Castoffs and “Benchwarmers”

In today’s essay and my next one (this is a two-part series), I’ll share details about the types of wardrobe items that I’m uncomfortable wearing. I looked at everything that I purged from my closet during 2023 and thus far in 2024, as well as the pieces that are “on the bubble” currently (what’s in my “holding zone”), and I jotted down what these castoffs and “benchwarmers” have in common. While some of my purged items were in my wardrobe for years and used to be favorites before my preferences shifted, many others were simply mistake purchases that should have remained in the store or been returned.

I found my review of wardrobe castoffs very educational and enlightening, and I highly recommend that you do a similar analysis, especially if you find yourself wearing too many substandard outfits and/or if you have a closet filled with pieces that you don’t want to wear.

There can, of course, be a few complicating factors to this situation that bear mentioning:

1. Size Issues

If the reason why you’re not wearing a lot of your clothes is because they’re either too big or too small, I still believe that it’s valuable to consider which pieces you’d reach for if everything fit your body today. I know that I saved a lot of items that were too small for me after gaining weight during menopause, but I gradually purged most of them because my style preferences shifted and I wouldn’t have reached for those pieces even if they did fit my body.

2. Lifestyle Considerations

Likewise, if you own a lot of pieces that aren’t a match for your present lifestyle, would you be excited to wear them if the right situation came around? For example, if a formal occasion were to arise in your life, would you want to wear the dressier “benchwarmers” you have hanging in your closet, or would you prefer to go out and buy something new? If the latter is true, perhaps you’re only holding on to those formal items out of guilt and should instead pass them on.

3. Climate Shifts

If you have moved from a warmer climate to a cooler one or vice versa, you may still own lots of clothing that was necessary for your previous location but doesn’t work for where you live today. This was the case for me when I moved from snowy Lake Tahoe to my current home in San Diego over twenty years ago. I rarely wore my heavy sweaters and jackets and eventually passed almost all of them on.

If you think you might relocate again, or if you regularly travel to alternate types of climates, it may make sense to retain a small to moderate-sized cold or hot weather capsule, but it’s probably best to store those items outside of your everyday closet. Your standard closet should only include those pieces that you can and do wear today. That may or may not mean that you switch out your wardrobe by season, depending upon how much closet space you have. In any event, you don’t want to keep things in your closet that you don’t see yourself wearing at all in the near future.

4. “Placeholder” Items

Sometimes we hold on to particular garments (or shoes) because they’re staple items in our wardrobes, even if we don’t like the way they look or feel on us. We keep these pieces until we’re able to find a replacement that better suits our needs. However, doing this only makes sense if we actually wear the placeholders. If this isn’t the case, it makes little sense to keep them, and we should make finding an alternative a high-level priority.

This has been the case for me with jeans multiple times, but I usually ended up only wearing one or two favorite pairs, even if those “favorites” still weren’t ideal. But if I owned multiple other pairs of jeans that never made it out of my closet, I didn’t need to hold on to them. It can be challenging to let go, especially if we spent a lot of money on our “benchwarmers,” but it’s important to remember “the sunk cost fallacy.” We’ve already spent the money, and holding on to unloved items won’t put that money back into our wallets or bank accounts.

Physically Uncomfortable Items

In today’s part one of my “what I’m uncomfortable wearing” series, I’ll cover those pieces that I’m physically uncomfortable wearing, while I’ll address the emotionally uncomfortable issue in my next essay. The emotionally uncomfortable list will definitely be longer, but there will also be some overlap between the two lists, which I’ll explain when I reach those points.

This list of physically uncomfortable items is fairly straightforward and requires less explanation in general.  I don’t typically buy things that don’t feel good on my body, at least not intentionally. It’s not always possible to know from a brief try-on whether or not a wardrobe item will feel comfortable for an entire day of wear, even if we bend, sit, and raise our arms in the fitting room or during an at-home evaluation session.

It’s always helpful to test things out as much as possible, and some people even elect to wear an item for a few hours at home before removing the tags and committing to keeping it. I recommend doing an extended try-on if that’s feasible, but even then, some items that will eventually feel uncomfortable can fall through the cracks. No one experiences a hundred percent success rate with their purchases, no matter how careful they are. All we can do is our best and forgive ourselves and learn from our mistakes, which is what this series is all about!

Below is a list of the types of items that I’ve either purged from my closet or am on the fence about due to physical discomfort. I’ll briefly describe the types of items that I feel physically uncomfortable wearing, and I’ll include some additional details about why that’s the case.

1. Tight jeans or pants

These are the most physically uncomfortable types of items for me, as I have several health issues that affect my lower body. I also tend to experience bloating and retain water on a regular basis, so which pants feel physically uncomfortable on me may vary. For this reason, I like for my pants to include stretch or “give.”

In the case of jeans, I own a few pairs that are more “forgiving” that I can wear when I’m either retaining water or up a bit in weight. This is very important because jeans are such an important staple in my cool weather wardrobe. I wear jeans during the cooler months more often than not, and I don’t want to be stuck wearing super snug-fitting denim that I can’t wait to take off.

2. Clothing that clings too much to my body

If a garment digs into my flesh, I feel uncomfortable in it, particularly if I need to sit down. If clothing digs into my stomach area, it’s particularly uncomfortable and I try to avoid it at all costs. I don’t always notice how much of an issue this can become, as it’s less of a problem when I’m standing or walking around. However, when I’m seated for an extended period of time and feel the waistband of my pants impinging upon my midsection, I can experience a large degree of physical discomfort.

Clingy clothing can also be quite hot to wear during the summer months, which is another reason why it’s a “no-go” for me. This is especially the case when the fabric is synthetic and doesn’t breathe. More on the topic below…

3. Too-high heels

Although I like the look of high heels, my feet can no longer withstand wearing them for any length of time. My heel limit is now about two inches, and sometimes a little higher if there’s a platform sole. I have gradually removed all of my higher heels from my closet, as they’re just too uncomfortable. I do like a small heel on most of my shoes, though, as I find that more comfortable than a completely flat shoe, probably because I have very high arches. My “sweet spot” for heel heights is usually somewhere between one and two inches, which is fortunately relatively easy to find.

4. Fussy tops

If I must constantly re-adjust a top, I find it physically uncomfortable to wear. What good is a top that only looks good if we’re standing still? It’s not comfortable to have to tug and pull at a top multiple times per day, so those are the types of tops that I will readily pass on now.

Sadly, we’re not always able to easily identify such pieces when we’re shopping, although stretching and moving around in the fitting room to see if the fussiness factor is there is always a good idea. Tops can also be “fussy” if they feature lots of ruffles or billowing sleeves, but those elements run counter to my more minimalist style aesthetic anyway.

5. Jeans that are either too high-rise or too low-rise

I mentioned tight jeans earlier, but I wanted to cover this other element of jeans, too. The rise of jeans (and pants) is very important to physical comfort, at least for me. If the waistline of a pair of jeans comes up too high or not high enough, it can be very uncomfortable to wear. In either instance, the denim can dig into sensitive parts of my body and cause discomfort. Too low-rise jeans may also need to be pulled up every time I stand up from being seated, which can easily become annoying.

My preference is for mid-rise jeans that hit me either around the belly button or slightly below it. I’ve found that the label given to a pair of jeans’ rise isn’t always accurate, though, as some pants labeled “high-rise” are actually more of a mid-rise on many women. What’s been most helpful for me is to measure the rise on jeans that fit how I like and use that measurement when shopping. Not all e-commerce sites include this measurement, but when they do, it can help minimize the need to return a pair of jeans with a too-high or too-low rise.

6. Poor-fitting garments

If our clothes don’t fit us well, they can be physically uncomfortable, and sometimes extremely so. While this is more applicable to pieces that are too tight, too-large items can be uncomfortable as well (and they can also be quite “fussy”). If it’s difficult to get something on or off, or if it pulls or binds when I’m wearing it, that can be a deal-breaker for me.

Fit is king when shopping, and we should never accept a substandard fit simply because we like the color, style, or silhouette of an item. I’ve done this far too often, to my detriment. While a simple alteration can take a garment from good to great, it won’t “rescue” a piece with a poor fit. I’ve done ill-advised alterations too many times, so I’m trying to only do basic tailoring that has been successfully been done for me multiple times over the years.

7. Uncomfortable fabrics

I tend to be averse to clothing that has no “give” to it or doesn’t breathe. I don’t like overly synthetic pieces, as they tend to be scratchy and hot. Synthetic blends that also contain natural fibers are usually much more comfortable to wear than items that are a hundred percent polyester, for example.

Sadly, I’m made the mistake too many times of buying or keeping something because it looks great. But the clothes we buy really need to feel good on our bodies, too. Keeping this rule in mind would save me – and you – a lot of money and decrease my “wardrobe benchwarmer” number substantially.

Conclusion – and Your Thoughts?

The above may not be a fully comprehensive list of all the clothes that I feel physically uncomfortable wearing, but I think I’ve pretty much covered the bases in today’s essay. I’m much happier when I don’t have these types of pieces in my wardrobe, as I want to be able to put on my clothes and go about my life.

I don’t want to have my enjoyment of the occasions in my life hindered by clothing that digs into my flesh, pinches my toes, or otherwise causes physical discomfort. Life’s too short to spend it wearing uncomfortable clothes (and shoes and accessories)!

Before I delve into the emotionally uncomfortable category next time around, I’d love to hear from you regarding today’s topic. Here are a few questions to help you formulate your thoughts, but feel free to weigh in however you’d like:

• What types of clothes are physically uncomfortable for you to wear? Why is that the case?
• What about shoes and accessories? Which types of these items do you avoid wearing because of physical discomfort issues?
• In which instances do you “suffer for the sake of fashion”? That is, when do you willingly choose to endure some physical discomfort in order to look good? How much physical discomfort are you willing to experience to achieve the look you want?
• How has your physical comfort with your wardrobe pieces shifted over the years? Are you no longer able to comfortably wear things now that you previously wore with no problems?
• What do you wish you could wear without feeling physically uncomfortable?

I look forward to reading your thoughts on this important subject of physical comfort – and discomfort – related to our wardrobes. Thanks for reading, and thanks in advance to those of you who choose to share!