My Wardrobe, Myself

Revisiting Loss & Letting Go

Debbie Roes

July 27, 2010

NOTE: This post was originally published on my previous blog, The Healing Project.

Fifteen years ago, one of my closest friends committed suicide at the age of 32. The day on which I found out was absolutely and unequivocally the worst day of my life. Time seemed to stop and I felt shocked, sad, and numb all at the same time. I cried and cried until there were no tears left in my body and I felt a depth of pain that I didn’t even know was possible to experience.

Time Heals All Wounds – Or Does It?

The tears and the sadness lasted for a long, long time, but I gradually moved past the depth of my pain and was increasingly able to take comfort in my happy memories of a person whom I felt blessed to have known. Although I don’t know if one is ever completely “over” a loss of a loved one, I thought that I had mostly moved on after the passage of so much time. As the old saying goes, “time heals all wounds.” Or does it? Surprisingly, I recently realized that I may still have quite a bit of grieving and healing to do over the loss of my dear friend.

When going through boxes in our storage unit in preparation for our recent move, I came across what I had labeled my “Joe box.” Shortly after his death, I packed away all of the mementos I had of Joe – cards, photos, etc. – because it was just too painful to have to look at them and realize that I would never see my friend again. I have carried that box with me through a number of moves over the years, but I have never opened it. I didn’t think much about this all those times because I was also carrying countless other mementos and collections with me through my life journey. It’s only now, when I’m making a concerted effort to downsize and become more of a “minimalist,” that I actually thought about going through my “Joe box.” Yet, when it came down to it, I couldn’t bring myself to do it…

Lack of Connection

Debbie Roes

5 comments

July 20, 2010

NOTE: This post was originally published on my previous blog, The Healing Project.

About a month ago, my neighbor of 2.5 years was taken to the hospital in the middle of the afternoon. He never returned… I since learned that he has terminal brain cancer and is living out his final days in a local hospital. I had passed him in the hallway many times, but had only uttered a quick “hello” to him before continuing on my way. I never took the time to get to know him, or vice versa.

I don’t really know any of my neighbors. We pass each other on occasion, sometimes smiling, sometimes nodding, but rarely interrupting our busy schedules to take the time to get to know each other. We all have more important things to do, it seems.

How Many Friends Do We Have?

I have close to 200 Facebook friends, but very few people I can honestly call real friends, and even fewer with whom I connect on a deep level. We have more and more ways to connect with others through the advances in technology, but the level of connection that is happening is becoming increasingly superficial. All of the technology in the world can’t change the fact that we are growing more and more socially isolated in our society. Loneliness is becoming the biggest epidemic in our country, even bigger than cancer, AIDS, or heart disease.

No One in Whom to Confide

I’ve wanted to write about the topic of lack of connection for quite some time, but a recent radio broadcast finally spurred me to do it. I enjoy listening to radio talk show host Dennis Prager’s weekly “Happiness Hour” and caught a “Best Of” presentation from 2006 a few days ago. This show was based upon a Washington Post report that a sharply growing number of people say they have no one in whom to confide. In fact, 25% of Americans have no confidants at all! This is double the number who felt similarly isolated in 1985.

It’s All Relative

Debbie Roes

4 comments

July 20, 2010

NOTE: This post was originally published on my previous blog, Body Image Rehab.

One maxim that is true in many areas of life is, “It’s all relative.” This saying especially holds true in the area of body image. Case in point… Have you ever known someone who lost quite a bit of weight? That person may still be objectively overweight, but chances are that she feels pretty fabulous about herself and is enjoying showing off her new smaller frame.

On the flip side, a person who was previously quite slim and who has gained some weight might feel fat and unattractive even though she still looks shapely and beautiful to others. I have definitely fallen into the latter category at various points in my life.

No One is Immune

Gorgeous models and actresses are not immune to body image issues. On the contrary, they are especially prone to disliking their bodies despite being praised and adored by the masses. I recently read two articles, one about a supermodel and one concerning a famous actress, which perfectly illustrated that celebrities are just like us in terms of their body insecurities.

Body Love Goals

Debbie Roes

2 comments

July 14, 2010

NOTE: This post was originally published on my previous blog, Body Image Rehab.

This post represents my first exercise from the book, “200 Ways to Love the Body You Have.” Taking the author’s suggestion, I opened the book to a random page and let my intuition guide me in selecting the perfect exercise for me at this point in time.

I couldn’t have selected a more perfect exercise to start on my journey to finally love and accept my body!

First Exercise – Body Love Goals

The exercise I selected was #146, “Body Love Goals.” This exercise involves writing about my vision of what it means to love my body and to live in peace and harmony with it. In following the instructions, I completed the following sentence in as many ways as came to mind: “I’ll know that I love and accept my body when…”

Some of my most poignant responses are included below and serve as powerful goals for my “body image rehab” project.

My Week of Silence

Debbie Roes

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July 12, 2010

NOTE: This post was originally published on my previous blog, The Healing Project.

I just spent over a week without speaking. No, I didn’t go to an ashram or a silent retreat; I simply had no voice for nine days.

My laryngitis was related to the flu virus that I mentioned in my last post and although it wasn’t unexpected, I never thought it would last so long. However, since I am a big believer in the messages of our physical ailments, I decided to look for the meaning and lessons of my “week of silence.”

What Does Louise Hay Say?

As a first step in my search for answers, I referenced “You Can Heal Your Life” to see what Louise Hay had to say about laryngitis. While I generally recognize myself and my situation in her remarks, I was left with a huge question mark on this one. Louise Hay’s probable causes for laryngitis are:

So mad you can’t speak
Fear of speaking up
Resentment of authority

I am not an angry person. In fact, I rarely feel much anger at all. I do experience a fair amount of frustration, but the thought of my being so angry I cannot speak is highly foreign to me. I do sometimes fear speaking up for myself, but this was not an issue for me around the time I lost my voice. I also resent authority at times, but my rebellious streak has been tempered by age and I don’t feel this is a prominent issue for me any longer.