My Week of Silence

NOTE: This post was originally published on my previous blog, The Healing Project.

I just spent over a week without speaking. No, I didn’t go to an ashram or a silent retreat; I simply had no voice for nine days.

My laryngitis was related to the flu virus that I mentioned in my last post and although it wasn’t unexpected, I never thought it would last so long. However, since I am a big believer in the messages of our physical ailments, I decided to look for the meaning and lessons of my “week of silence.”

What Does Louise Hay Say?

As a first step in my search for answers, I referenced “You Can Heal Your Life” to see what Louise Hay had to say about laryngitis. While I generally recognize myself and my situation in her remarks, I was left with a huge question mark on this one. Louise Hay’s probable causes for laryngitis are:

So mad you can’t speak
Fear of speaking up
Resentment of authority

I am not an angry person. In fact, I rarely feel much anger at all. I do experience a fair amount of frustration, but the thought of my being so angry I cannot speak is highly foreign to me. I do sometimes fear speaking up for myself, but this was not an issue for me around the time I lost my voice. I also resent authority at times, but my rebellious streak has been tempered by age and I don’t feel this is a prominent issue for me any longer.

Could Louise Be Wrong This Time?

Could it be that the great Louise Hay is wrong in this instance? Possibly… She has stated that her probable causes ring true approximately 95% of the time. Perhaps I’m i n that other 5%. If I am angry at all, it’s about some of my life circumstances, such as my health issues and my career woes. I have some anger toward myself for my role in these issues, particularly my failure to stick with a single career path long enough to become an expert in a certain profession. But I would have to say that these are more frustrations than anger and are so long-standing that I would doubt they would lead to an acute bout of laryngitis in July 2010.

Worse Before It Gets Better?

One possibility that I have entertained is that my Healing Project has increased my focus on issues and feelings which had previously simmered more deeply beneath my conscious awareness. In some respects, it feels as if things have gotten worse instead of better since I began this journey – and this blog – five months ago. Sometimes things do get worse before they get better, but I am still optimistic that I can and will heal myself and my life in one year.

Great Communicator

Although Louise Hay may not be spot on regarding the probable causes for my laryngitis, I have derived a number of personal insights concerning losing my voice. First, a bit of background information… I love to talk and am known to be a very talkative and animated person. I have been a member of Toastmasters International for over six years and have been working on further honing my verbal communication skills through that venue. I believe that one of my greatest strengths is my ability to communicate well through both writing and speaking.

Taking Our Blessings For Granted

We often take our gifts and our blessings for granted; it’s human nature to reflect more on what’s missing than on what’s present in our lives. I never really thought twice about being able to vocalize my thoughts and feelings whenever I desired to do so. However, in my “week of silence,” the only sounds which were emitted from my lips were quiet whispers. I was unable to speak on the phone or even verbalize a food order in a restaurant. When a passerby said hello to me, I could only nod or wave in response.

Unable to Speak

It was difficult for me not to be able to talk, not just logistically but emotionally as well. I was rendered much more dependent upon my husband to do things for me and to be my “voice.” I reflected upon those who are physically unable to speak for long periods of time and felt great empathy for them. I wondered if they needed to carry a sign around wherever they went to alert the world of their handicap and if they were perpetually armed with a notepad and pen so that they could communicate even the most basic of ideas to others.

I also thought about Roger Ebert, the film critic rendered unable to speak as a result of throat and mouth cancer. I saw him on Oprah earlier this year and marveled at how he has adapted to the changes in his life. I saw his happiness at simply being alive and his gratitude toward his wife for how much she has helped him through his years of illness.

The Importance of Listening

What were my lessons from my week of silence? I can think of a few… First, I am profoundly grateful for my gift for speaking and the ease with which I generally communicate through the spoken word. Second, I realized that I need to spend more time in silence; that I need to listen and reflect more than I usually do.

I remember an old saying which expresses that we were given two ears and one mouth because we should listen twice as much as we speak. I became aware last week that I don’t listen enough, as I am too preoccupied with talking. When my husband and I go on long walks, I generally do most of the talking, but last week I ended up listening more to what he had to say. When I’m not clamoring for “air time,” I get to learn more about others, including my wonderful husband, who is my best friend in the world.

Focus on What’s Right, Not What’s Wrong

Finally, I learned to appreciate the health that I do have instead of dwelling upon my niggling health complaints. I was reminded that what we focus upon grows, so I should focus on my physical blessings instead of on my defects. Of course, I will continue to pursue solutions to that which ails me, but my main focus should be on what’s right instead of what’s wrong.

It’s true that I still experience many migraines, but I also have excellent vision and hearing, as well as a strong and resonant voice most of the time. That voice is gradually re-emerging after my week of silence. It sounds hoarse and raspy now, but I am ever so grateful to be able to talk to my husband in more than a whisper.

A Closing Affirmation – I Love My Voice!

I close with the powerful affirmations on the voice from Louise Hay’s “Love Your Body”:

“I voice my opinions. I speak up for myself. I sing the praises of love and joy. My words are the music of life. I choose the thoughts that express beauty and gratitude. I proclaim my oneness with all of life. I love and appreciate my beautiful voice!”

I am so grateful to be able to speak! I am so grateful to be well after almost two weeks of being sick. I am grateful for the many health blessings I have, including my wonderful voice. I am grateful for this day, and for every day of my life, and I wish you all a wonderful week!