My Wardrobe, Myself

Messages From Pain

Debbie Roes

June 26, 2010

NOTE: This post was originally published on my previous blog, The Healing Project.

I usually try to be upbeat in these blog posts, but today I need to rant about a frustrating ongoing challenge… As I write this, I am suffering from my ninth migraine headache this month! I just had a migraine on Wednesday and I am so frustrated that I am afflicted with yet another one just two days later.

I track my migraines and have found that my monthly average is seven to eight headaches. They vary in terms of severity, so I am not always completely debilitated by the pain, but it does adversely affect my life in a multitude of ways. Since I’ve been living with migraines for 25 years now, I’ve learned to adapt and do as much as I can through the pain. Yet, although I am able to “grin and bear it” for much of the time, I am more than ready to release this dreaded condition.

Many Potential Remedies, No Lasting Solution

Over the years, I’ve tried many, many potential remedies to become free of these devastating, throbbing headaches. I’ve taken numerous prescriptions and over-the-counter drugs, tried bottle after bottle of supplements, eliminated various foods from my diet, and visited a long list of medical professionals, both traditional and alternative. There have been pockets of relief along the way, but these reprieves have been short-lived at best. My migraines are like a broken record that keeps playing its tired song over and over again, month after month, and year after year.

I’ve mentioned a “laundry list” of health issues that I am working to heal through my healing project. Some of these challenges have cycled in and out of my life, while others plague me for only a short time period before miraculously disappearing just as quickly and mysteriously as they materialized. But the one problem which has accompanied me on my life path since the age of eighteen has been the migraines. So I’m guessing that the lesson I need to learn from this tired and tireless ailment is the most important one of all! The Universe keeps literally rapping me over the head because I continue to fail to get the message!

Releasing Health Issues

Debbie Roes

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June 22, 2010

NOTE: This post was originally published on my previous blog, The Healing Project.

This post is based upon the first two exercises in Chapter 3 (pg. 45-49) of “You Can Heal Your Life Companion Book” by Louise Hay. I will share some of my responses to the questions, as well as some of the insights I gained from completing the exercises.

Over the course of my “healing project,” I plan to complete all of the exercises in this book and the original “You Can Heal Your Life” book, but I won’t necessarily do them in order (being the rebel that I am…).

The chapter begins with an affirmation (“I restore and maintain my body at optimum health”), as well as a health issue checklist consisting of eleven items, of which I checked eight. Clearly, addressing my health concerns is a major issue for me in terms of healing my life.

Core Health Principles from Louise Hay

At this point, it is helpful to remind myself and my readers of some of Louise Hay’s core principles surrounding health (click here for a comprehensive review of the key principles of “You Can Heal Your Life”):

Our bodies are always trying to maintain a state of optimum health, no matter how badly we treat them.
We contribute to every illness we have, as our bodies mirror our inner thoughts and beliefs.
Every disease we experience is a teacher, and our illnesses signal false ideas within our consciousness.
Illness may unconsciously serve as a “legitimate” way of avoiding responsibility or unpleasant situations.
True healing involves body, mind, and spirit.

Body Confidence

Debbie Roes

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June 21, 2010

NOTE: This post was originally published on my previous blog, Body Image Rehab.

Last week, I watched a repeat broadcast of an episode of “The Tonight Show.” This episode featured a plus-sized model named Ashley Graham. The reason she was a guest on the show centered on ABC’s refusal to air her Lane Bryant ad during an episode of “Dancing with the Stars” on the grounds that it was too revealing (see New York Post article on this).

Jay Leno had heard this story and felt the ABC decision was ridiculous, especially in light of the numerous Victoria’s Secret ads which are aired during many television broadcasts. Leno wanted to increase awareness of the issue of discrimination toward plus-sized models, so he invited this young model to appear on his show.

A Strong and Unexpected Reaction…

Watching Ashley Graham on “The Tonight Show” elicited a strong and unexpected reaction in me, which is why I’ve chosen to write about her in this post. When Jay Leno introduced her, Ashley glided out on the stage dressed entirely in spandex. While she is a very beautiful woman, she is definitely much curvier and voluptuous than most of the models we see in magazines and on the runway. I didn’t feel that the spandex ensemble was the most flattering thing she could have worn (spandex isn’t the most flattering thing for anyone, in my humble opinion), but that isn’t at all what most struck me when I saw this lovely woman.

Enough Already!

Debbie Roes

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June 18, 2010

NOTE: This post was originally published on my previous blog, The Healing Project.

A few weeks ago, I went to see a specialist about the throat discomfort and swallowing problems I’d been experiencing (see my “It’s Always Something” post for more about this). As usual, I had to spend quite a bit of time in the waiting room, and this particular waiting room was more crowded than usual. In addition, the phone was ringing off the hook and the environment was far from peaceful.

To combat my internal frustration, I decided to journal about my feelings in that moment. Here is an excerpt of what I wrote:

“Waiting to see specialist, room full of people… I don’t want to be here! I don’t want the medical model with all of its procedures and medications. I am tired of identifying as a sick person! I need to heal myself spiritually. I can do it, and I will!”

A Moment of Clarity

In that moment, I felt absolute clarity about what I did and did not want. I was clear in my desire to focus on my “healing project” rather than pursue medical procedures and prescription drugs. I didn’t have much time to reflect, however, as I was quickly whisked back into the examining room to see the doctor. Almost immediately, she spoke of my having an endoscopy and taking twice-daily medications. These things were exactly what I didn’t want!

I requested that the endoscopy be postponed for a month. I agreed to take the medication, but I never ended up filling the prescription due to my worries about potential side effects. Instead, I’ve been focusing on lifestyle changes such as eating more digestible foods in smaller portions and chewing my food more thoroughly. I also take small doses of over-the-counter medication, which seems to be sufficient at this point. Although my throat problem (medical term = Laryngopharyngeal Reflux) has not gone away, it’s definitely less severe than it was a month ago.

Clothing Woes

Debbie Roes

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June 14, 2010

NOTE: This post was originally published on my previous blog, Body Image Rehab.

I love clothes… and I hate clothes. Whether I love or hate clothes at any given point in time is very closely aligned with my body image.

If I’m feeling okay about my body (I almost wrote “good,” but sadly “okay” is about as good as it gets for me…), I embrace the clothes in my closet and the process of shopping for new clothes. Conversely, if I am feeling fat and unattractive, I don’t want to wear anything besides the workout clothes I wear when working from home each day.

Searching for a Feeling

I have a closet full of clothes, yet I generally only wear a small fraction of them. I have a tendency to be a compulsive shopper (see my post titled “Overspending” ) and I’ve come to decipher the reasons why I shop for articles of clothing I don’t even need. I’ve learned that I’m searching more for a feeling than for a pair of pants or a blouse. Subconsciously, I believe that if I can find the “right” pair of pants, I will magically be able to relax and stop hating my thighs so much.