In my last post, I shared what I viewed as my ten worst purchases of 2023. I showed photos of each item and highlighted why I felt it was a mistake to have bought it. I closed out the essay with a summary of the seven lessons I learned through reviewing my ill-advised buys of the previous year.
As usual, I asked readers to share feedback on what I had written, as well as on their own worst purchases of 2023. I always enjoy reading what readers have to say, and I’m fortunate in that I receive thoughtful and insightful comments on my essays. I learn a lot from what readers share, and many of my blog posts over the years have been informed by the comments I receive.
I’m grateful to all those who weighed in on my last post, but one comment in particular has stuck with me the most and really made me think. In fact, I haven’t been able to get it out of my mind! So, in today’s post, I’ll share excerpts of that comment (it was a long one!), as well as my follow-on thoughts to what this very insightful reader had to say.
How selective are you when you shop versus when you get dressed?
Highlights of the Comment
The comment in question came from reader “Sally in St. Paul,” who has her own great style blog called Within a World of My Own. Sally is a regular commenter here whose feedback is always helpful and interesting to read, but she really outdid herself this time. I invite you to go to my last post and read Sally’s comment in its entirety, but I’ll include some highlights here that are especially germane to today’s topic.
- “One thing I’ve noticed is that you are very selective about what you will wear (I would say “picky,” but that has negative connotations I don’t intend!). You might buy something and keep it, but if it doesn’t truly check all your boxes, it won’t be worn. I know that you have talked a lot about being a more discerning shopper, and I would say that is something for you to really lean into.”
- “You seem to have a stumbling point where you buy/order something and keep it, but it’s not really something you will wear. Then you get rid of it. So instead of my ever-expanding wardrobe, you get churn.”
- “I have noticed that you sometimes have a bit of a redemption orientation toward things…that you can salvage an item that doesn’t check all the boxes through alterations or the like. I’m not sure that’s serving you very well because it creates this sense of possibility for improving the item so it meets your needs, but the promise doesn’t seem fulfilled.”
- “I have just been struck reading this essay by what looks from the outside like a bit of a disconnect between how you shop and how you dress, if that makes sense. I’d be very curious to see what would happen if you made your shopping as discerning as your dressing.”
All these points are excellent, but the last one was what has popped into my mind the most: the disconnect between how I shop and how I dress. I’ll delve into that topic later in this essay, but for now I’ll just say that Sally is correct about that disconnect, and therein lies a big key to improving my shopping – and my style.
Some Thought-Provoking Questions…
Sally also peppered some thought-provoking questions throughout her long comment, such as the ones included below. I won’t answer these questions just yet, but the remainder of this essay will be centered around responding to Sally’s comments and questions. I just wanted to get her most cogent points “out there” first before I share what has come up for me over the past couple of weeks since reading what Sally had to say.
- “…the items that you could have and should have returned but didn’t…that’s a category that’s interesting to consider. What was the barrier to returning those items?”
- “What would happen if you only kept things that truly check all your boxes and that you have figured out how you will wear (very specifically, having tested out these combinations)?”
- “You may have some specific things on your wish list, but is there any huge urgency about them? Or could you take a step back and take your time until the right thing comes along?”
- “If you didn’t add very many things to your closet, does that bring up a feeling of scarcity?” (I paraphrased this question)
How I Dress vs. How I Shop
Sally is correct in that I’m very selective about the way I dress. I’m fine with using the word “picky” because that word describes me well! I know what I like to wear, and it can be difficult for me to branch out from what I’ve determined is “tried and true” for me. I worry, however, that I can get stuck in a rut and wear the same basic “uniforms” over and over again. I get concerned that my style may become “stale” and boring or even evoke the dreaded words “frumpy” or “matronly” (no one ever wants to be described in that way!).
Because of those worries, I often try to find new styles, silhouettes, colors, or prints when I shop. I also allow myself to be influenced by friends I’m shopping with or salespeople in stores. If a friend or salesperson pushes me to try something on or tells me that they like the way I look wearing a garment, I may end up buying it. I won’t do so if I absolutely can’t stand a particular item, but if I’m at all on the fence, I can let the opinions of others sway me.
It’s when I veer away from what I know I like and will wear that the mistakes happen. Sometimes I’m able to catch these errors and make a return, but obviously I’m unable to do that with final sale purchases like some of my 2023 worst purchases. As I mentioned in my last post, I need to avoid final sale altogether except when I’m buying something tried and true that I’ll reach for right away. That wasn’t the case for any of the garments that I showed in that 2023 “bad buys” review.
If you take a look at Sally in St. Paul’s blog, you’ll see that she’s much more adventurous in how she dresses than I am. She wears a lot of colorful clothing and accessories and likes to play with pattern mixing. In contrast, I usually stick with just one bright color per outfit (paired with dark neutrals like black, navy, and denim) and only mix patterns in very simple ways, such as stripes with polka dots in the same colors. Sally wrote that she wears everything she buys and struggles more with a burgeoning wardrobe than with the type of “closet churn” that’s been an ongoing problem for me. My wardrobe can also become too large, but I’m often not wearing all of it (because of that “pickiness” that Sally pointed out).
The “Redemption Orientation”
Sally is correct that I tend to have a “redemption orientation” toward closet pieces, in that I attempt to “rescue” things I’m not wearing through alterations. This is because I feel guilty for having bought the item in the first place and I think that if I “tweak” it in some way, I’ll then end up wearing it often enough to get my money’s worth. Sometimes that works, but in other cases, I end up “throwing good money after bad.” Of course, the best thing would be to have never purchased the item in the first place, but failing that, the next best option would be to get it out of my home rather than spending more money on it.
As a person who’s hard to fit, alterations have been a blessing to me. Most pants that I buy need to be taken in at the waist to fix the almost inevitable gaping that I get in that area. I also need to have straps shortened on tops and dresses because they’re almost always too long (I’m short-waisted and my bustline sits high). Another frequent alteration for me is having tops and toppers taken in under the sleeves, as my shoulders are broad and my torso is narrow. These types of alterations are straightforward and lead to my clothes fitting me significantly better. Sometimes I’m lucky enough to find a nearly perfect fit off the rack, but that’s not very common. I’m also picky (there’s that word again…) about fit, and things that might not bother others are an issue for me, so I make sure to add the cost of regular alterations to my wardrobe budget.
All that said, I need to stop altering garments that I don’t love (or even really like) in the hopes that I might end up wearing them. While most of my 2023 shopping mistakes were not tailored, I believe three of them were, which was a waste of money. I did much worse with this type of behavior in the past, but I should know better at this point!
The Allure of the Sale and the “Deal”
Sally wondered why I bought or kept clothes that didn’t tick all my boxes. Other than the influence of others that I wrote about earlier, the major reason is that a sale or a “deal” led me to settle and be less selective. In essence, I talked myself into overlooking shortcomings of garments (or shoes or accessories) because of a low price-tag. Or even if I didn’t view certain facets of an item as a shortcoming, I was more willing to take a risk with a style or color that was outside of my usual comfort zone. Now, if I were more of a fashion risktaker like Sally is, that might not be a bad thing, but I don’t take many risks with my wardrobe and I need to remember that.
The desire to expand my comfort zone and evolve my style is often why I don’t return items that I feel “iffy” about. I talk myself into “branching out” and trying out new trends and alternate silhouettes, but the garments often just end up hanging in my closet gathering dust. I sometimes do manage to integrate “benchwarmers” into my regular closet rotation, but it can take a lot of time and trial and error before I’m comfortable wearing things that run far afield of my usual style formulas and uniforms. I attribute this to my body image issues and perfectionist personality. I’m also a slow adopter of new styles, so I usually need to see something in stores and on others for a long time before I feel comfortable trying it out myself.
Answering Sally’s Questions
I’ve touched upon a lot of what Sally mentioned in her insightful comment, but I also want to answer the thought-provoking questions she posed to me that I highlighted earlier in this post (some of which I’ll paraphrase in the interest of space and clarity):
1. What was your barrier to returning those items that you could have and should have returned?
I think there are a few issues at play here… Sometimes it’s just a matter of a shorter return window and not paying close enough attention to the deadline. Other times, I felt confident about my purchase because it was good in theory, but I didn’t take the time to play in my closet and test out outfit combinations with the new item to make sure it would work for me.
Most of the time when we shop, we’re trying on individual pieces rather than creating ensembles. But when we actually try to wear a new item, we find that nothing seems to work! This has been the case for me with the new wider pants, as the longer tops and toppers that look good with my standby straight-leg jeans and pants tend to look “off” when the hem on the pants is wider. This realization led me to recently return some jeans that were within the return window, but I have others that can no longer be returned that I’m having to work with to determine how to wear them in a harmonious way. I think I’m figuring it out, but it’s a whole new ballgame and a new style formula that’s outside of my tried and true “uniforms.”
2. What would happen if you only kept things that truly check all your boxes and that you have figured out how you will wear (very specifically, having tested out these combinations)?
I think I would be much happier with my wardrobe and make far fewer mistakes if I took this approach. This would mean following the oft-stated advice (including by me!) to only buy things on sale that you would purchase at full-price. It would also mean buying less and taking more time to test out styling options with each new item.
I used to spend a lot more time creating and photographing potential outfits, but I often took it too far and created so many combinations that I couldn’t possibly wear them all. I like the rule of thumb of being able to wear any new item three ways. I continue to believe that having twenty-five good outfit options per season (or even just fifteen) is plenty, especially for someone like me that doesn’t go into an office every day and really only gets dressed in out-and-about clothes three or four times per week. Also, I’d rather repeat outfits that I love than have lots of variation with a greater percentage of “just okay” ensembles.
3. Is there urgency about buying the items on your shopping list, or could you wait until the right item comes along?
Most of the items on my shopping list are not urgent, and I often already wait until the right item comes along. This is especially true for things like pants and shoes, which are harder for me to fit (due to my height, proportions, and fussy feet). Where I tend to make mistakes is when I either veer away from my shopping list or “settle” on some of the specifics for what I buy due to the temptation of a sale or low prices. For example, I may want a particular color in a garment, but I find an alternate color on sale. That isn’t necessarily bad, if I still love and look forward to wearing that color. But then I need to consider whether or not I’ll still want to purchase the specific item on my list, which can contribute to “closet bloat.”
I sometimes don’t want to leave a store or the mall empty-handed when I’ve taken a few hours to go shopping, but this is something that I need to get better at doing. Even if a sales associate has given me a lot of assistance, I can still thank them and leave without buying anything if the store just didn’t have what I needed. My people-pleasing tendencies can lead me to make a purchase because I feel guilty for having taken someone’s time, but it’s their job and as long as I’m polite and courteous, I should feel fine about leaving without buying.
4. “If you didn’t add very many things to your closet, does that bring up a feeling of scarcity?”
Scarcity can be a problem for me, as I’m used to having a lot of options when I’m getting dressed. However, I also become overwhelmed with having so many options, plus I feel guilty when I don’t wear some of the pieces in my closet. In my heart, I want a smaller wardrobe, but I haven’t been able to make it happen. This is partially due to the scarcity issue, but it’s also due to a lack of discipline when shopping.
Sally’s comment and questions, as well as my end-of-the-year purchase analysis, made me realize how much a lack of discipline when shopping has contributed to the issues I have with my wardrobe. I like the “high” I get when buying something new, but that high often leads to a low feeling when I realize that it wasn’t a good purchase. As with anyone who struggles with some type of compulsive behavior, I need to find alternative and healthier ways of boosting my mood. The high I get from shopping will always be short-lived and it’s generally followed by a larger dip in mood, especially when I make bad purchases or exceed my clothing budget. It’s just not worth it to shop compulsively, but I haven’t been able to eliminate that type of behavior in my life.
I don’t make as many shopping mistakes as I used to and I don’t shop as compulsively as I did in the past. My closet is not as overstuffed as it once was, but I’m also not where I want to be in terms of my shopping and my wardrobe. I’ve made progress with becoming more discerning about what I buy, but there’s still a lot of room for improvement.
Conclusion
One major insight that I gained from pondering Sally’s comments was that I often shop like someone who’s more adventurous and experimental with my clothes than I actually am. In truth, I have a more minimal way of dressing (in terms of style, not necessarily quantity of items), I evolve my style slowly, and I’m a late trend adopter, if I adopt them at all. I have a defined and relatively small color palette, and I don’t vary the colors I wear all the much by the season or the year. I take advantage of when my favorite colors are on trend to make purchases, but I don’t wear a particular hue just because Pantone has added it to that year’s palette.
Because I’m selective about what I wear and what I like on me (I can appreciate a lot more variation on others), I need to keep that in mind when I shop. If I want to branch out a bit as a means of style evolution, I should do it slowly and deliberately. The best approach for me would be to purchase one new item in an alternate style, silhouette, color, or pattern, and then take the time to experiment in my closet to make sure I’ll like wearing the new piece. I should only buy such pieces when I’m able to return them, and I should note the return deadline and do my experimentation well in advance of that date.
I won’t promise not to shop sales anymore because I know I won’t keep that promise, but I will endeavor to be more careful and mindful with that type of shopping. I should view sales as an opportunity to buy items that are in my style “wheelhouse” and that I know I will wear. This means sticking to the “tried and true” rather than going out on a limb and buying an orange tank or a pair of pants in a “loud” print like I did last year. Those were not “deals” at all; they were throwing good money down the drain!
Thank You to Sally – and Your Thoughts?
I’m grateful to Sally in St. Paul for taking the time to share her thoughts with me in such a kind and descriptive way. I’m grateful to all those who share their thoughts about my essays, as well as those who open up about their own wardrobe, shopping, and style struggles. I’m glad to have had this type of forum for over ten years now through the various evolutions of my wardrobe and life-focused blogs.
If you’d like to weigh in on the topics of today’s blog, I invite you to do so in the comments section. I’m sure I’ll address some of these subjects again, as there was a lot more I wanted to say, but this is supposed to be an essay, not a book!
Perhaps you can relate to my struggles, as well as Sally’s comments. I’d love to know if you shop the way you dress. If so, what has helped you to do so? If not, what might you change in order to have your shopping be in better alignment? I look forward to what you have to share.
My Wardrobe, Myself 
One other problem I have encountered in clothes shopping is the “best of a bad lot” issue. After trying several things on in a store, the one or two items I would take home never seemed quite right. But they were better than the other things I’d tried on, and looked good in comparison. I now have a new rule of thumb for purchasing. I buy only the things that I find myself reluctant to remove after trying on. The I-don’t-want-to-take-it-off system seems to help so far.
What a great new rule of thumb, Phoebe – I like it! I have had that same struggle as what you recounted, especially when it comes to pants. I’ll get tired of searching and either buy or keep (in the instance of online orders) the “best of a bad lot.” But such purchases almost never become wardrobe workhorses. If we wear them, it’s often more out of guilt than because we’re excited to wear them. I’m going to keep your rule of thumb in mind!
Wow. As a fellow picky and simple dresser, tender-footed, hard-to-fit scarcity-minded shopper, an 0% success with final sale purchases, so much of what you have said here, Debbie, resonates with me.
I read Sally’s comment after the comments were closed, and it was as if she was speaking to me. Thank you, Sally, for being honest and kind in your response to Debbie. It can be hard to see ourselves and our behaviors objectively.
Lacking availability in my area, I order most items online—occasionally impulsively. I’m also impatient when deciding whether to keep or return them.
The other day, I realized the shoes I ordered in November and decided to keep are not my style. Surprisingly, I still had the box they came in and a box I could ship back to Nordstrom. If only I could undo some of my other purchasing mistakes. Wait. If I were more patient, I could have.
In writing this, I realize I need to remind myself to go S L O W and that my impulsiveness and impatience are my biggest problems when it comes to shopping. Before adding an item to my wish list (and definitely my closet!), I need to use my style words as filters and envision a blogger who dresses similarly to me wearing it. I need to do the same before making an impulsive purchase and/or deciding whether to keep a new item. When I have a new product in hand, I must test it to ensure it will be worn. If unwilling to do that, I shouldn’t bring it into my home. Finally, like you, Debbie, I also need to stop talking myself into overlooking shortcomings. Yep. I need to be as picky when I shop as I am when I get dressed.
Thanks again, Debbie and Sally.
I didn’t realize comments were closing so quickly, Jenn. I’ll extend the window at bit. I used to leave them open indefinitely, but I got a lot of spam 😦
I’m glad you got as much from Sally’s comment as I did. There really are so many layers to what she had to say, and I’m glad she had the courage and took the time to say it. I resonated with what you had to say about impulsiveness and impatience, as those are also big problems for me. The style words can really come in handy, and I think I’m going to revisit mine soon to see if I might want to tweak them a bit. Testing out new items is such a big key, as so many things are good in theory but don’t work well with what we already have. I try to avoid buying a “project” when shopping (something for which I need to buy a bunch of other things in order to make it work), but we don’t always realize such items when we see them until we try to pull outfits together in our closets.
It’s good that you were able to return the shoes to Nordstrom. Their return policy is great, but so many other stores are shortening their return windows. I remember one style blogger saying that if we don’t wear something new within 14 days, we should return it. That gives us plenty of time to be able to get our money back. Also, if we don’t wear most things within that timeframe, we probably don’t actually need them.
Hi, Debbie – I always enjoy your thoughtful posts. And agree that Sally’s comment was so insightful.
I completely understand how hard it is finding clothes that fit our body types. I say “our” because I’m a 5’10” pear. Except I have narrow shoulders, so more like a triangle. I’ve taken to sewing some of my own clothes, since it’s so hard to find anything that fits in the stores. Online shopping offers more options, but I find it’s often disappointing.
As you mentioned, “the desire to expand my comfort zone and evolve my style” has been my downfall and money waster in the past. So, I’m lucky that I prefer a small wardrobe and a fairly simple style. And I don’t mind wearing outfits on repeat. (333 works fine for me.)
I think it would be a good rule to commit to wearing a new item within one week of buying it. And even ask if I would be willing to wear it 3 times within a week. This is something I think I will try. It will give me a good idea about how much I honestly like the new item. Even as I’m buying it, I can plan how I will wear it that soon. If I don’t want to wear it within the first week, well then I should just not buy it, or return it if I already own it.
Chris
I know you get it about my fit challenges, Chris. It’s often been suggested that I learn to sew, and it would probably be a good idea to do so. It’s good that you prefer a small wardrobe. I WANT to prefer that, but my behavior has said otherwise… I may do another round of Project 333 soon, as I haven’t actually done that challenge in years (although I’ve done a few hypothetical P333 capsules, which has been helpful as well).
I like your suggestions in your last paragraph. I wrote 14 days in my reply to Jenn above, but a week is even better. There are many things I would be willing to wear three times a week, and there are some things that I actually DO wear that often (but they are usually more the at-home items). I think we need to be honest with ourselves when we shop and not try to be someone we’re not or dress for a life we don’t have. I wore a very simple outfit the other day (mostly black items with jeans and a few favorite jewelry pieces) that I pulled together quickly. If I’m honest with myself, I would be happy dressing like that almost all the time. It’s when I veer from what is truly “me” that I make mistakes.
Hi Debbie- I really appreciate the thoughtfulness and honesty of this post, and Sally’s questions are spot on!
The idea of pushing myself to branch into new styles is something I can relate to. And it doesn’t usually work all that well for me either. People pleasing when shopping is another trap I fall into. Then I end up with a bunch of expensive items but feel like I have nothing to wear.
One thing that has helped me is to remember something that Ines de la Fressange said in her book. I’m paraphrasing, but basically she said if you look at something and think “I can’t wait to wear it tonight or tomorrow” then it’s probably a good purchase, but if you’re thinking it will come in handy and you’re not sure what you’ll wear it with or what you’ll wear it for, you should leave it in the shop.
Basically I need to shop for my real life instead of buying what I think I SHOULD wear 🙂
Thanks for sharing the Ines de la Fressange tip, Murphy. It’s a really good one! I’ve often caught myself and others trying to basically invent scenarios in which we might wear an item we’re considering. Bad idea! So many things are good in theory – or maybe for the life we used to have. But I’m someone with a very casual life with little need for “fancier” clothing. I also like simpler clothing and outfits, which is totally okay! I think that if we all shopped for our real lives and only bought things that are true to our style, we would save a ton of money.
It’s going to take some time to process this post in full, but I wanted to say right away how glad I am that you found my comments helpful! The essays and discussions in the comments on this site are always so interesting and insightful – you have really created a wonderful and supportive community here. Thank you for the generous link and kind words about my own blog. I will come back to comment after having a chance to think about your essay; there were so many aha moments for me reading it!
Please don’t feel like you need to come back with a lengthy response, Sally, or even another response at all. You were so generous and comprehensive in what you wrote on my last post, and I’m grateful for that. Of course, if you have more to say, please do so, but that’s totally up to you. I think a lot of people got some “aha moments” from reading your comment, but I know that not all readers read the comments and I wanted to share what I had gotten out of what you wrote, as I knew it would benefit others as well. I’m glad that my follow-on to your comment gave YOU some aha moments. Things are coming full circle 😉
This post rang a bell, and I have found it : an old Bridgette Raes post, https://www.bridgetteraes.com/2016/05/03/well-dressed-woman/ (“Five Secrets of a Well-Dressed Woman”). The first tip, being a “ruthless editor”, starts precisely *at the moment of purchasing*, and is continued, rather than initiated, in the closet. We are so used to thinking the other way round, I am now realizing! As if it could help us to we go on buying so-so stuff and keep editing only once it’s kind of too late.
I was also reminded of your occasional remarks on the influence “What Not To Wear” had on some of your previous shopping mistakes. I think we’ve all had our share of power blazers and the like. (I vividly remember my ex boyfriend wondering why I was “so dressed up” to go grocery shopping lol, as I wore a heels /A line skirt /blazers combination of the kind you wound up labeling “churchy”).
Well, I think “expanding our comfort zone” may have become our new “what not to wear” trap. It’s actually a good idea until it gets over the top and ironically ends up feeling stressful in the name of fun.
Thank you all for this food for thought!
I meant : as if it could help us to go on buying… And : a heels /A line skirt /blazer combination…
I love Bridgette Raes, Samantha! I’m sure I read the post you linked, but I’m going to go back and read it now… Thank you for linking that post and sharing the first tip, which I think it wonderful! If we were more ruthless with our editing at the moment of purchasing, we wouldn’t have to do so much closet clearing, would we? We would save ourselves tons of time, energy, and money.
I got a chuckle out of your mention of dressing up to go grocery shopping. I have done the same so many times because I bought clothes that were too dressy for my real life. I accumulated so many blazers, A-line skirts, and heels after watching every single episode of “What Not to Wear,” and then I had to invent occasions for which to wear them (which led to my looking out of place in the casual beach community in which I live).
I think a little “expanding our comfort zone” can go a long way. I could see bringing in one new style, silhouette, color, or pattern at a time and working with it (and maybe doing this two or three times per year). But it can definitely become as big of a trap as those WNTW blazers, skirts, and heels. I’m glad you likes this post and it made you think.
Oh, I agree … ‘Picky’ is an excellent aim for shopping! I love these posts.
These days, I am trying my best only to upgrade what I own, without expanding my wardrobe – so one in, one out. It will never be a perfect system because emotion can outweigh reason. It can be hard to purge old favourites. But if it’s something that feels good on and I can’t wait to wear, the process is easier. I guess that an important part of shopping for me too is definitely, try before you buy.
Try before we buy (or keep!) is such an important part of shopping, Sue, and one that is often neglected. So many things seem great in theory, but they don’t work for whatever reason. I agree that emotion can outweigh reason when both shopping and purging. I don’t know if you saw the post I did about “one in, one out” years ago (https://recoveringshopaholic.com/2015/09/25/does-a-one-in-one-out-policy-work/), but it offers some great food for thought (from members of the Facebook group I used to have) on the process. I think it can be a good rule of thumb for keeping a closet from becoming overloaded, but there are also some potential pitfalls to be aware of.
Thanks for sharing the link, Debbie. Avoiding unnecessary ‘closet churn’ is definitely another factor in the equation. I agree that it’s pointless eliminating a piece just to avoid ‘closet creep’. We need to be as picky about purging as we are about shopping, I think. (As you can see, I’ve been learning a Iot from your posts these past years.) In some cases, it can take till a season ends (or longer) for me to realise which old pieces have been replaced by new ones I’ve purchased. Eventually, I find I no longer reach for certain old favourites and can let them go.
Yes, we do need to be as picky about purging as we are about shopping, Sue! There have been comments on many of my posts by people who have said that they can be too over-zealous about purging, and that’s definitely been an issue for me at times, too. I opted not to do “one in, one out” because I didn’t trust myself not to purge things just so I could buy more. I’m not sure that would be as much of an issue for me now as it was years ago, but it’s still something to watch out for. You’re right, though, that in time our old favorites can lose that status, which is okay and part of our style evolving. I’m so glad you’ve learned a lot from my posts! I think I’m going to revisit some topics this year, and I’m open to suggestions.
Hi Debbie. I think I do now shop much more like I dress than I used to. One thing that is a little sad about it is I have lost the “high” of shopping. I still like to look in stores but mostly don’t “go shopping” any more. My favourite supermarket is inside my favourite small mall, so at least once a week I am going to that mall anyway and so can satisfy my liking of looking at clothes/shoes without actually buying, since my wardrobe of 155 pieces more than meets my needs. I no longer get the “Wow that (item) is so cute” feeling as much, if I do then that’s immediately followed by a feeling of why it would be unlikely to work for me or that I already have other pretty summer dresses that don’t have #30 wears, so don’t buy another! Which is why I say it’s a tiny bit sad. I do miss the excited feeling but at the same time the bad feeling afterwards when I don’t wear it has gone, and I think overall I feel better with that. Have you heard of hedonic versus utilitarian shoppers? I have been able to satisfy my hedonic tendencies by using a wishlist on my favourite shoe site. At times I have had 10-15 pairs on the list, and absolutely know I would not buy them all because I already have 37 pairs of shoes! So I have become a utilitarian shopper, and overall feel much better about that, being much more picky. I bought 14 items last year that I kept and only one other that I returned, a pair of white sandals which were cream when they turned up, and not totally comfortable. Back they went.
Cheers Jenni
That’s great that you’re shopping like how you dress now, Jenni, but I understand the sadness about losing the high of shopping. I feel that when I get super-deliberate about shopping and am focused on finding specific wardrobe needs rather than browsing. That type of shopping can be more frustrating and less fun, but it’s also much more productive and serves us a lot better in the long run. I think this dichotomy is what you’re referring to by hedonic vs. utilitarian shopping. I feel that I still vacillate between the two, but I WANT to be a utilitarian shopper, have a smaller wardrobe, and wear pretty much everything (allowing for a few unavoidable mistakes here and there) 30-plus times. It seems like you’re doing great with both your shopping and your wardrobe. Only buying 14 items last year and making just one return is quite impressive! It’s very difficult to know if shoes will work when buying online, so it’s natural for returns to happen there.
I love this post! It addresses many aspects my shopping mistakes that I still make. A timely reminder of what I still have to work on. The core feeling that leads to my wardrobe churn is boredom. I constantly battle with keeping a small wardrobe yet bored of wearing the same things. On top of that I’m also a lazy dresser but I also love clothes. Keeping a small wardrobe still suits me and having more variety would cause anxiety but keeping my churn rate down has been a consistant problem.
The way I shop is where I can tackle the problem I think.
Totally resonate with Boredom and loving of clothes that lead to churn. Although “churn” may not be that bad in that it keeps my life going and interesting. What I am wishing for is have proper priorities in life and not rushing. When I make buying mistakes I will let it go and move on without feeling any guilt. Sometimes I wait a little bit before letting it go as I can be moody and make irrational decisions if rushing.
I relate to the “moodiness,” Meghan, which is why I tend to put clothes “on probation” for a little while before letting them go. I sometimes jettison something because of the type of mood I’m in and later realize that I was being too hasty. I make irrational decisions when rushing, too, which can be why I make more mistakes when shopping with others. I like to take my time when I shop, but most other women go through the try-on and decision process a lot faster than I do.
Good to see you commenting here again, Wendy. I remember your comments that you’ve made over the years and how closet churn has been a big problem for you (as it also has been for me). I feel you about the wardrobe boredom AND being a lazy dresser. I was just talking to my friend about the the other day, actually. I’m trying to lean more into that, though, because if I know I’m happy wearing certain types of garments and “uniforms” and stick to that, I’ll make far fewer shopping mistakes (this is in line with the “shop how you dress” theme).
Thanks for sharing your insights and tips for tackling the problem of wardrobe churn. I make more mistakes shopping in stores, too. Of course, there are bound to be returns when shopping online, but I’ve found that those returns are more due to fit issues than the “fairy tale” concept. I think a lot of people struggle with shopping on vacation, as they are in a very different “head space” in such situations and likely more prone to the “fairy tale” type of buying. Sales shopping is my biggest problem, as I wrote about in my 2023 mistakes post. Your suggestion to use sales to buy tried-and-true essentials is a very good one! That’s what I do with the Nordstrom anniversary sale now, but I need to expand that practice across sales as a whole. Being very vigilant is the way to go!
Was just reading your post concurrently with this article and they are so related:
https://www.wardrobeoxygen.com/fast-fashion-destroyed/
Good to catch up Debbie ❤
Claire
Great to see you commenting here, Claire! It’s been a little while… Hope you are doing well. Thank you for sharing the Wardrobe Oxygen articles. I will look forward to reading them after I get finished replying to comments here (I’m especially curious about the internalized misogyny and how we can free ourselves from that!). I like her writing, but I get behind on my blog reading, too. It’s always nice that the blogs are there when we want to check in.
Wishing you well, and hope you comment again soon.