My Wardrobe, Myself

I’ve had a rough couple of weeks dealing with some personal challenges, so my “best laid plans” to post sooner didn’t come to fruition (thankfully, things are much better now). But I’ve been thinking a lot about my wardrobe following my last few posts, and I have some more thoughts that I’d like to share today and in my next essay (which will hopefully go live before the end of May).

We’re coming to the close of the cool weather season where I live, and there have already been some unseasonably warm days that have provided a glimpse of summer. Although I live in a temperate climate without the types of distinct seasonal switchovers that many of you probably experience, the warmer temperatures usually begin here sometime in June. So, this is about the time of year when I start to think about wrapping up my cool weather wardrobe and evaluating how well it worked for me. This post and the next one (and maybe even two) will be about that process.

“The Hanger Trick” and Wardrobe “Benchwarmers”

As many of you know from my previous posts, I stopped tracking wears five years ago, but I continue to use what I’ve termed “the hanger trick” to get a better sense of what I am and am not wearing. At the beginning of each year, I turn all my hangers around “the wrong way,” such that the hooks are facing outward. Then, as I wear a given piece and put it back on its hanger (after laundering, if necessary), I turn the hanger back around “the right way” with the hook facing inward.

Each time I get dressed, I challenge myself to wear something that hasn’t already been worn this year. I don’t make an absolute rule of this, but I usually try to select at least one unworn item to use in an outfit. This is very easy to do early in the year (or season, as in the case of my warm weather garments) when I have many unworn pieces to choose from, but it becomes increasingly difficult as time goes by. Since we’re now in May and drawing to the end of the cooler weather, I’m struggling to wear my final unworn “not summer” items.

Yes, I still own too many clothes, as I reasonably should have worn everything in my cool weather wardrobe within the first month or two of the year. I have, in fact, worn many pieces multiple times thus far in 2024, but I don’t find myself reaching for other items at all. And even when I specifically challenge myself to wear a given garment, I sometimes struggle to create an outfit that I actually want to wear.

I should probably get rid of some of these “benchwarmers,” but I don’t like to purge things unless I’m truly certain that they won’t work for me. I can be very “moody” about my clothes, plus sometimes it’s more about the styling than the piece in general, so I don’t want to give up on things prematurely. However, I sometimes try multiple outfit combinations with a piece in question and still find myself coming up short. I just don’t feel good in the item, either physically or emotionally, no matter how I style it.

A Change in Approach to Benchwarmers

In the past, I would basically force myself to wear the benchwarmers, at least so I could better evaluate whether they should stay or go. However, I’ve adopted a different attitude now that is making things both easier and more difficult. First, I’ll explain what I’m doing now, and then I’ll cover the easier and more difficult part.

The change in my getting-dressed behavior is that if I ever put something on and don’t feel good in it for whatever reason, I take it off and choose a more tried-and-true piece instead. This is a very recent change that I decided upon after a few outings during which I spent far too much time ruminating about my outfit and feeling uncomfortable (physically, emotionally, or both). I decided that I don’t want to feel that way anymore! I don’t get out all that often and I want to enjoy myself rather than having an obsessive internal dialogue about what I’m wearing.

I’m done with wearing jeans that are too uncomfortable to sit down in for very long and tops that I find myself having to readjust often throughout the day. I also no longer want to wear outfits that don’t feel like “me” just to be able to turn a hanger or two around. This happened the weekend before last with an outfit that felt much too “conservative,” but I was wearing two pieces that hadn’t yet been worn this year. I was able to “tick the boxes” that way, but what’s the point of doing so if I’m not happy in what I’m wearing? It’s not worth feeling uncomfortable just to feel more “virtuous” about wearing – and not wasting – my clothes.

Both Easier and More Difficult…

The easier (and I think, better) part about my new approach is that I believe it will lead to a greater proportion of highly-rated ensembles than when I was pushing myself to wear everything. I’m still keeping an outfit journal, which I returned to doing last summer. I will soon share some of my insights from my winter and spring entries, much like I did for summer and fall last year (part one | part two). I probably won’t have as many insights to share as before because I’ve incorporated much of what I learned into the way I dress. However, there are different challenges for the cooler weather versus when it’s warmer, so I will be sure to write about those.

The more difficult part of just wearing what I’m comfortable in is that many more hangers will remain turned around “the wrong way” and it will be harder for me to decide if the items on them should stay or go. I guess if I put something on a few times and end up taking it off, there’s my answer. Likewise, if I don’t reach for a given item at all, that’s likely a signal to let it go or at least put it in my “holding zone” for a while.

Because I’m so moody about my clothes and the way I feel and look in them, I usually don’t just purge things right away, as my perspective may change with a mood shift. Thus, I often just take something out of my closet and put it in my holding zone box for a while. I evaluate the pieces in my box (well, at the moment, it’s still two boxes) at least twice a year, and I usually have increased clarity about these items when I review them again after having them out of sight for a few months.

Sometimes it’s a matter of gaining or losing a few pounds that causes me to feel differently about certain garments, as fit and body image challenges play a large role in how I feel about my clothes and outfits. Regardless of reasons, however, I’ve found that taking a break from some of my pieces and reviewing them with “new eyes” later on helps me to make better decisions about their fate.  I’m about to do another one of these reviews as summer approaches, so I’ll likely post about the outcome of that process within the next month or so.

The Bottom Line

The bottom line of all of this is that I’ve lost patience for wearing clothes that I don’t like for whatever reason. But a big challenge I’m dealing with is the guilt that I feel about not wanting to wear items that were rarely – or even never – worn. Because I’m working on heeding the wise advice I received that I wrote about in this post, I’ll hopefully face this type of situation a lot less frequently in the future, but I probably won’t be able to avoid it completely. But at the moment, I still own too many clothes that I’m not excited to wear, and I need to figure out how best to approach them.

We all have good intentions when we buy clothes and other wardrobe items. We think we’re going to wear them frequently, but that probability decreases when we make purchases for the wrong reasons. If we buy something just because “the price is right,” it’s on-trend, or a friend or salesperson tells us we look fabulous in it, chances are much lower that said piece will become a “wardrobe workhorse.” If we find ourselves talking ourselves into making a purchase, or if we just want to buy something… anything because we’re tired of the exhausting quest to find the “right” item, we very likely are bringing a future “benchwarmer” into our closets. I’ve done this more times than I’d ever want to count, including for years after I started blogging about my wardrobe!

While it’s embarrassing and disheartening to admit that I’m still far from having it all figured out about my clothes, I hope that this type of open sharing will help others to feel less alone. I also hope that sharing my new approach to my clothes (which I’m sure I’ll have to recommit to often because old habits die hard) might help some of you give yourselves permission to do the same.

Conclusion – What We Deserve in Terms of Our Clothes

We all deserve to wear things that we love – or at least feel comfortable in. We don’t need to force ourselves to wear too-tight jeans, shoes that pinch our toes, or tops that are super-fussy, just because we spent money on them. While it’s always better to figure this type of stuff out while we’re still in the store, or at least within the return window, we don’t need to punish ourselves by wearing these items out of feelings of guilt.

I’m telling myself this as much as I’m saying it to all of you!  The discomfort that I feel when I wear uncomfortable clothing – or even clothing that’s just not “me” – isn’t worth it! I have enough social anxiety as it is about many (most) interpersonal situations, so why should I compound my discomfort by also forcing myself to wear jeans that make me feel self-conscious or shoes that I have trouble walking in? Even if it means that I’ll wear the same three pairs of jeans and shoes over and over again, I’d much rather do that than have sartorial variety while simultaneously counting the moments until I can go home and change.

I’m not sure how I’ll reconcile the wasted money when it comes to pieces that I can’t return. I have a pile of items that I plan to try to sell, but I’m not sure how successful that endeavor will be and how much time I want to dedicate to listing dozens of castoffs. I’ll probably do a mix of selling and donation, and I’ll also be sure to analyze and document why the purged items didn’t work for me to make sure I learn my lessons as well as possible.

I know that beating myself up isn’t going to bring the money back, nor will forcing myself to hang on to and wear pieces that I don’t feel good in. Sometimes we just need to cut our losses, learn the lessons, and move on. While it may have taken me too long to learn a lot of the lessons, I can’t turn back the clock and do things differently. I can only move forward and vow to do better, which I intend to do.

I also intend to focus on wearing what I feel good in, both physically and emotionally. Life’s just too short to wear uncomfortable clothing, and life’s too short to have our clothes get in the way of enjoying our activities. This is something that I feel deeply about now as I approach the big 6-0 (it’s more than two years away, but still…). I’m not going to magically get rid of my self-consciousness and social anxiety, but I can take steps in the right direction toward that end. Wearing clothes that I feel good in is something that I can do – and something that I will do. I hope you’ll join me (if you’re not doing so already).

Your Thoughts?

As always, I welcome your thoughts on this post. What has helped you to figure out what you feel best wearing, and what has helped you to get rid of guilt over “wasted” money? Please feel free to share your tips and experiences. I’ll be back soon with some insights about my cool weather wardrobe, including my favorite – and not-so-favorite – pieces.