My Wardrobe, Myself

This is part two of a two-part series about the clothes that I feel uncomfortable wearing. In part one, I covered the types of pieces that I feel physically uncomfortable wearing. My list included tight pants, clingy items, too-high heels, fussy tops, jeans that are either too high-rise or too low-rise, poor-fitting garments, and uncomfortable fabrics.

As usual, I asked readers to share their thoughts about my essay (the comments I receive are always insightful and well worth reading), and one reader mentioned something that I wish I would have included on my “physically uncomfortable” list. She stated that context can make a big difference in terms of how comfortable we feel in our clothes. What feels physically comfortable in one setting may not feel comfortable in another, which is an excellent distinction.

The example my commenter gave was that she feels great in her business casual clothing at work, but for physical comfort reasons, she always prefers to change into more casual pieces when she gets home. After reading this comment, I realized that context is a big reason why I categorize my wardrobe into out-and-about pieces and at-home ones. Emotional comfort comes into play somewhat in this categorization as well, but it mostly has to do with the fact that I’m just more physically comfortable wearing certain pieces at home versus when I’m out.

I could probably write an entire essay on the topic of context (and I just might…), but I thought I’d at least mention it today for those who don’t read the comments and might have missed this valuable insight. But now it’s time to dig into part two of my “uncomfortable series.” Today’s post will address what I feel is a more complex category, which is the wardrobe pieces that I feel emotionally uncomfortable wearing.

Emotionally Uncomfortable Items

This is a much bigger category for me, and it’s also much more specific to me alone. While many of you may have been nodding along with the physically uncomfortable list, you might shake your heads at some of what I mention in today’s essay. What each of us finds emotionally uncomfortable to wear will be very different, but it’s all valid on an individual basis.

What’s on your list of emotionally uncomfortable pieces isn’t as important as knowing for yourself what types of closet items you don’t feel comfortable wearing. Failing to identify and recognize these characteristics is what leads to a lot of shopping mistakes and wardrobe “benchwarmers.” However, once we gain greater awareness as to what some of our potential “dealbreakers” might be, we can better avoid purchasing things that we won’t end up wearing very often, if at all.

I’m probably “pickier” than many of you in this regard, but I’m willing to bet that everyone reading this has at least a few dealbreakers related to their emotional discomfort. I may have more than most because of my long history of eating disorders and body image issues, but I need to meet myself where I am, especially because I’ve found it so difficult to change despite my intense efforts to do so. While I will continue to work on myself and try to overcome my self-consciousness and body dysmorphia in the long-term, I want to prioritize my emotional comfort in the short-term.

There will be some overlap between what I’m physically and emotionally uncomfortable wearing, but the rationale behind these repeated points will be different (I’ll explain where necessary).  Below is my list, in no particular order (just the order in which the wardrobe characteristic came to my mind).

1. Tight jeans or pants

Although snug-fitting bottoms can be physically uncomfortable for all of us, they’re also emotionally uncomfortable for me to wear because I’m extremely self-conscious about my lower half. When jeans are tight all the way down my legs, I feel that they accentuate my larger hips and thighs, which is not something that I want to highlight.

I much prefer my pants to have some “ease” in the legs while not necessarily being what one would call baggy. This can be a tall order to fulfill, but a “relaxed boyfriend” (that I don’t roll) or loose straight fit is my preferred denim cut when I can find it. With such jeans, I feel more comfortable showing my back side because I don’t feel like I resemble an ice cream cone the way I do in tighter bottoms. With the tighter bottoms, I always feel like I need to wear a long topper to cover up what I perceive as an unflattering back view. This can become a problem on warmer days or if I get overheated for some reason (as can be common for us post-menopausal women).

2. Jackets that stop at my widest point

Because I’m tall, I find that where many jackets end tends to be at an unflattering spot on my body. Whereas they may fall a couple of inches below the widest part of the hips on shorter women, they often end right at my hipline, which I feel is like shining a laser pointer directly at my curvier hips. To play down this area of my body, which is my preference, I either need to wear a longer or shorter topper. I usually go for the longer option, unless I can find a jacket with a hemline that hits at around my upper hip area, which serves to bisect my rear end and downplay that area.

It’s great when a jacket is offered in tall sizes, but those are few and far between. The more recent trend of having everything be cropped has only made it more challenging for me to find jackets that are emotionally comfortable for me to wear. For this reason, I’ve gravitated more toward cardigans in recent years, as those are typically available in a wider range of lengths and are easier on average to fit.

3. Shapeless tops and toppers

While I’m self-conscious about the lower half of my body, I’m much happier with the way my upper body looks. I like to show off the fact that I have a narrow torso and a relatively small waistline. If I wear a baggy or shapeless top, I feel like I look bigger all over, which is emotionally uncomfortable for me. The same is true for “sack dresses” and cocoon-style cardigans and jackets. They don’t suit my figure and they make me feel uncomfortable. My preference is to wear fitted but not tight tops and toppers, and I avoid anything that’s overly baggy or “boxy.”

4. Tops and toppers that flare out at the bottom

This is similar to my last point, but it’s a bit different in that these items start out fitted but then get baggier towards the hem. Such garments also make me feel emotionally uncomfortable because I think they lead to my appearing bottom-heavy. I don’t feel that peplum-style tops and jackets are flattering on my frame, so I choose not to wear them. I much prefer a uniform fit from under the sleeves down to the hem of a top or topper.

A frequent alteration that I’ve had done has been taking in the bottoms of my longer tops and toppers to create a more streamlined look. I’m often surprised that these types of pieces flare out at the bottom on me because I have a curvier bottom half and I thought there would be less roominess in that area. However, my tailor has told me that it has to do with where I’m curvy, as well as the length of the garment and where it hits me. In any event, I really dislike when anything is too flared on me.

5. Curved or slit hem tops

I much prefer straight-hem tops without any slits on the side. However, curved-hem and slit-hem tops are so frequently offered that I must be in the minority in this regard. I feel that curved-hem tops make my lower half look larger, and slit-hem tops add visual weight to my hips. I realize that it may be my body dysmorphia that’s making me feel this way, but I just won’t wear these types of tops.

I have occasionally purchased such garments and had them tailored if I loved everything else about the piece. Making a curved-hem top into a straight-hem one can be a bit challenging, but sewing side slits shut is generally an easy alteration. Even so, I usually try to avoid these types of hems and search for a straight-hem alternative whenever possible.

6. Dresses or bottoms that show too much of my legs

Not only am I self-conscious about the size of my lower half, I also don’t like the look of my bare legs. For years, I’ve had fairly extensive varicose and spider veins that are quite unsightly. I’m in the process of getting treatments to address these issues, as the veins have also been painful in addition to looking unattractive. The veins in my left leg were considerably worse and required two separate treatments, but I should only need one procedure for my right leg, which will happen soon.

Before the veins got out of control, I was okay with wearing mid-length shorts, and I hope that will be the case again following my treatments and the lengthy healing process. I never liked Bermuda-length shorts or skirt/dress hemlines that hit just above my knees, though, as I don’t feel that my knees are one of my better assets. I’ve been gravitating more toward midi-length hemlines for dresses and skirts in recent years, but I’ll still wear a maxi-length on occasion.

7. Overly clingy clothing

I mentioned in my last post that I feel physically uncomfortable in tight clothing, but I also feel emotionally uncomfortable in such pieces. This is especially true of knit pieces on my bottom half, as they tend to be unforgiving and highlight every little bump and bulge.

While I feel that knits are more physically comfortable than woven garments, they need to skim my body rather than cling to it. One problem with this, though, is that a relatively small amount of weight gain can send a fitted garment into clingy territory quite easily. We’re all predisposed toward gaining weight in certain areas first, and for me that’s my butt, hip, and thigh area.

For emotional comfort reasons, I’ve been leaning more toward woven bottoms with some stretch in them versus knit garments. I own quite a few pairs of Athleta pants, as there’s usually a stretch element incorporated into most of their pieces. Full-length styles have been more challenging for me to find, however, as even the tall sizes are often too short on me (probably because recent trends have favored a shorter full-length). Fortunately, it’s getting warmer where I live and I’ll soon be wearing my larger collection of cropped pants.

8. Pants that are too wide

Yes, I know that wide-legged pants are all the rage lately, but I don’t feel emotionally comfortable wearing them. Maybe it’s because they look best with either a short or tucked-in top and I don’t feel comfortable in those, either, because I’m too short-waisted (not to mention the self-consciousness about my bottom half that I’ve already mentioned multiple times). But every time I try on wider pants, I just don’t like how I look in them. I even bought some wide-leg jeans that I wrote about earlier this year, but I just couldn’t make them work for me.

I especially dislike wide-leg cropped pants on my body. I feel that they just make me bottom-heavy and frumpy. I sometimes like the look on other women, so it’s not like I hate the style altogether. While it’s possible that my eye might adjust such that I’ll embrace this silhouette, I’m choosing not to wear wider pants so long as I continue to feel emotionally uncomfortable in them. I feel much more comfortable in straight-leg styles, so that’s what I’m sticking with for now.

9. Tops that are too low-cut or too high-cut

I guess I don’t like anything that’s too extreme, but I avoid both very low-cut necklines and turtlenecks. There can be a physically uncomfortable component involved with the latter as well, but the former relates primarily to my emotional comfort. Because of the proportions of my body, a lot of necklines skew too low-cut on me when compared to other women. If I buy a tank-style top or dress, I often need to have the straps shortened, as most of my height is in my limbs versus my torso.

I’m not really a prude in terms of necklines, but I don’t like feeling too exposed, especially when I sit down. I always find that necklines skew lower when I’m seated, and I hate having to watch out to make sure I’m not flashing anyone! I like a good V-neck or scoop-neck style tee, but I’m mindful of how low the neckline falls on me. I also like wearing crew-neck styles, but mock turtleneck and turtleneck styles just feel “wrong” on me for some reason. I like to show at least a little skin at the neckline, perhaps because I’m short-waisted. I find that showing a bit of skin helps me to look more balanced in my upper body proportions, but too much skin leads to emotional discomfort.

10. Too light colors and “busy” prints

I decided to include colors and prints in one category to end this list at the nice round number of ten. I’ll start with color… I much prefer darker and more saturated colors over lighter shades, and I feel emotionally uncomfortable wearing light colors on my bottom half because I feel they make me look larger. I also don’t particularly like wearing light colors in general, although I do love a black-and-white print top. I feel uncomfortable wearing stark white, yellow, orange, beige, brown, and most warm tones. I feel much more like myself in black and jewel-toned pieces.

When it comes to prints, wearing anything that’s too “busy” leads to my feeling emotionally uncomfortable. I usually stick to stripes and dots when I wear prints, but I also like some geometric prints, space dye, plaids, and dark florals. I try to keep an open mind when selecting prints, and I’ve even been known to wear tie-dye, camo, and graphic tees on occasion. But I’m mindful of how I feel when I try things on, and if I feel emotionally uncomfortable in a given garment, I leave it in the store.

Conclusion

The above list may not be fully inconclusive, but I feel that it’s a good representation of the types of wardrobe items I feel emotionally uncomfortable wearing. Basically, my preference is to play down my bottom half and highlight my upper body. I also don’t like to wear anything that’s too extreme, so I prefer streamlined, fitted garments over anything that’s too tight or baggy. I also have a good idea of the colors, prints, and styles that look best on me, and whenever I deviate too much from those specifics, I can get into sartorial “trouble.”

In the past, I’ve felt that I should broaden my horizons more and veer outside of my comfort zone when getting dressed. But I’ve learned that can easily lead to shopping mistakes and wasted money on clothes that I just won’t wear. I still plan to try out (in the store) any new styles and silhouettes that appeal to me, but I realize that I need to trust my intuition and pay attention to how I feel in those pieces. Even if a friend or store associate compliments the way a certain item looks on me, I’m the one that needs to embrace and wear it. And if I don’t love something in the store, I’m never going to like it any more once I get it home. If a piece isn’t a “hell, yes,” it really needs to be a no.

I’ve often lamented how rigid I can be in the way I dress, but I’m starting to just accept it now. Lots of women – and men – have “signature styles” that they like to wear. Having a defined sense of personal style can make our lives a lot easier than consistently chasing trends and trying to “keep up.” Maybe part of the beauty of getting older is putting all that aside and just wearing what we love, even if it’s not necessarily the most “current” style. I don’t think we’ll look frumpy or hopelessly “dated” unless we never buy anything new and pay little attention to our style, and I don’t think anyone reading this blog falls into that territory, let alone myself. So, I don’t believe we need to worry too much about becoming a candidate for “What Not to Wear” or its potential successor.

Your Thoughts – and What’s Next?

I’d love to read your thoughts on what I’ve expressed in today’s essay, and if you’re open to sharing some of what you feel emotionally uncomfortable wearing, I’d be very interested in that list, too. Here are a few questions to help spark your thoughts, but feel free to comment however you’d like:

• Does your list overlap at all with mine, or is it completely different?
• Are there items that you feel both physically and emotionally uncomfortable wearing (as is the case for me with tight pants and clingy garments)?
• Do you want to overcome some of your areas of emotional discomfort, or have you accepted what your “dealbreakers” are?
• What role has your age played in terms of both your physical and emotional discomfort lists?

In my next post, I’ll do a wrap-up on the cool weather season in terms of my wardrobe. I’ll look at what I did and didn’t wear, what my favorite pieces were, and the common elements among my highest-rated outfits. After that, I’ll look at my warm weather wardrobe as I prepare to get dressed for hotter temperatures (my most challenging time of the year). As always, thank you so much for following along!