My Wardrobe, Myself

Our Secret Addictions

Debbie Roes

November 18, 2010

NOTE: This post was originally published on my previous blog, The Healing Project.

I don’t really like the word “addiction” because it carries with it a sense of being completely out of control or even victim to a particular type of behavior. I think this attitude is a big part of why I never stuck with the 12-step programs I attended for both my eating disorders and codependent behavior. I couldn’t get past the first step, which is “I admit that I am powerless over my addiction and my life has become unmanageable.” While I was more than willing to cop to having an unmanageable life, confessing to powerlessness was just something I could never do. I guess I’m just too much of a control freak!

Do What Works!

It is not my intent to either criticize or advocate the 12-step philosophy. I know that AA and associated programs have helped a lot of people over the years and very likely could have helped me as well had I steadfastly adhered to the steps. My best advice is always to do what works, and what works can vary for any of us as time goes by. My current choice is to follow Louise Hay’s advice and philosophy outlined in “You Can Heal Your Life.” Louise addresses the concept of addictions in detail in both her book and the corresponding companion book.

This post outlines Louise Hay’s philosophies on addictions, as well as some of the advice she gives for releasing addictive behavior. I also share some secrets regarding one of my compulsive behaviors and the insights I gained from completing the Chapter 6 exercises on addictions in the “You Can Heal Your Life Companion Book.”

Searching For Balance

Debbie Roes

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November 12, 2010

NOTE: This post was originally published on my previous blog, Body Image Rehab.

For most of my adult life, I’ve either weighed too much or too little. In fact, I can probably count on one hand the number of times I’ve been at a happy, healthy, and comfortable weight. Although I really want to believe that I can turn this around and find balance in this area, it’s sometimes difficult to remain optimistic…

This post focuses on my struggle to maintain my weight and looks at some of the potential reasons for this phenomenon. I also explore ways we can all achieve balance in terms of our weight and self-image.

An Elusive Moment in Time…

I am currently at a very good weight for my age, height, and shape, so this is one of those elusive moments I mentioned above. I reached this optimal weight as a result of a health challenge that has made it difficult for me to eat much for a number of weeks. Now that I seem to be getting this issue more under control, I find myself worrying what will happen with my weight. I’ve had to change my diet considerably, so I might be able to remain at this weight without Herculean efforts, but that remains to be seen.

Sins of the Past

Debbie Roes

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November 10, 2010

NOTE: This post was originally published on my previous blog, The Healing Project.

You’re probably familiar with the expression, “my past came back to haunt me,” and you likely have some personal examples related to this phrase. While it is always good to live in the present and embrace “the power of now,” do we ever fully escape our pasts? Can we truly be free of our mistakes and poor behavior of years gone by?

This post will focus on our so-called “sins of the past” and how they affect our lives in the present time. I will relate personal examples pertaining to my past relationships and physical health, and do my best to provide useful insights and suggestions for letting go of regrets and repercussions from the past.

Reminiscing… Or Not?

A few months ago, I wrote about going through boxes of old mementoes in preparation for moving and vacating our storage unit. These boxes included old cards and letters from many years ago (as long as 20-30 years back!) that I hadn’t looked at in a very long time. While I found it both interesting and exciting to look back and reminisce, the process also illuminated some personal history that was surprising and painful to remember.

While I consider myself a compassionate and thoughtful person today, I haven’t always been so kind. In fact, I treated some significant people in my life very poorly in years past. I wasn’t malicious or evil by any means, but I was driven by fear and selfishness. As I’ve mentioned previously, I suffered from depression and eating disorders for the bigger part of a quarter century, beginning in my early teens. During that time, I was extremely self-absorbed and far more concerned with my own wants and needs than those of others. I often had a negative attitude and I allowed my bad moods to affect those closest to me. Suffice it to say, I wasn’t always a “picnic” to be around.

Viva Christina Hendricks!

Debbie Roes

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November 4, 2010

NOTE: This post was originally published on my previous blog, Body Image Rehab.

I always love when a woman with an alternate body type rises to fame in film or television. When I say “alternate body type,” I’m referring to a woman who does not possess the standard Hollywood stick-thin figure embodied by most starlets today. I think it’s good for young girls to witness other types of bodies on the big or small screen, especially since most women are not naturally a size 2 or 4. It’s encouraging to see stars that have curvier bodies but are still regarded as beautiful by society at large.

One such woman who has recently risen to fame is Christina Hendricks, the lovely actress who plays Joan Holloway on “Mad Men.” Christina has flowing flame-colored hair, alabaster skin, glowing blue eyes, and a bombshell figure which evokes comparisons to Marilyn Monroe and Jayne Mansfield. Her shape is a pronounced hourglass and she proudly shows off all of her gorgeous curves, both on “Mad Men” and on the red carpet. She stands out not only because she’s stunningly beautiful, but also because she looks different from most of the other women we see in Hollywood today.

Don’t Be a Debbie Downer!

Debbie Roes

2 comments

November 3, 2010

NOTE: This post was originally published on my previous blog, The Healing Project.

Have you ever heard of the term, “Debbie Downer”? This term, based upon a fictional “Saturday Night Live” character, refers to a person who is frequently negative and complaining, thus bringing down the mood of everyone around her. Sadly, I have to admit that I can be this person at times, and since my name is Debbie, that makes it even worse!

I don’t mean to complain a lot, but there are times when I catch myself spouting out all kinds of negativity. At least I catch myself more often these days, but I am still dismayed when I realize I am whining and complaining. My husband gets the worst of it, and this normally very tolerant man has been known to lose his patience with me on occasion. Yesterday was one of those times, which is what has prompted me to write this post. I will look at why we complain, when it’s okay, and how to reform our tendency to gripe and moan.

Why We Complain

Why do we complain? Often it stems from a need to vent our frustration and feel “heard” by others. We want to be validated for our pain and aggravation, and sometimes we feel better after we get things off our chests. We’ve all heard the saying, “misery loves company,” and when we complain to others, we often find people jumping on the bandwagon to add their own grievances to the mix. But do we really feel better when others share in our disgruntled state?

Sometimes we complain because we’re looking for solutions. In my opinion, that may be the only time when complaining is really okay. If the person to whom we’re complaining is in a position of power to change the situation, that’s a best-case scenario. Unfortunately, however, the people to whom we gripe often have no influence over our circumstances and can do little more than helplessly listen to our complaints. I’ve known some wise souls who have cut habitual whiners off at the pass by simply suggesting, “Why don’t you tell this to someone who can actually do something about it.” At the very least, that sentiment might make the whiner think twice before complaining to that person the next time around.